3rd Post 12 Feb 2008

Please dont bad mouth her or stop being her friends cos it hurts me to hear bad things abt her.....
Her boss said this before..... she was worried abt me being her bf cos of same age.....she feels i might not be mature enough....guess she was wrong...i'm the mature one....
sometimes i hate to be so mature....stressful and not much friends cos all have diff in thinking....no wonder most of my friends are in their 30s and above..... Chester is right....i have old man thinking.....There was once i told her i was jealous cos she had people drive her around in his toyota rush and she took pics of her in biniki.....but she told me this and it melted me..... You should be happy dear cos you have me and they dont.....I almost teared when i heard that....That was how much she meant to me....
At 26 making my career....i have no car, no career yet and yes no money........not poor la but no money....VISA....dont have also...time is also limited....
But the free time i have i spent it while......
With my family, my suppliers ,and when i went out with my buddies i will make sure to ask her if she wants to come along, and with her......i can still remember the first thing i gave her was a XUE word.She was so sweet but hurted at that time.....
I did ask her to wait and told her i wanted to marry at age 28....too bad she cant wait.Now i'm more free and have more money......9 plus go work 3 or 4pm can go home liao but she is no more by my side.
She told me one thing when she ditched me....she was to play.....
how come like that.....i started to change myself so that i can settle down with her but she told me she wants to play.....Life makes fun of me again.......
Things i never told.....
i used to get high and anyhow sms people i miss them....but no more
i used to work till super late but then i tried to rush home at 9 to see her online or talk to her so that i know she is safe and ok.
i read her blog to know more abt how was her day and how tired she was.
There was once we chatted and she told me that she didnt like people to call her when she worked......then i stopped calling her during that......cos i dont want to interrupt her work...guess i was stupid to have stopped....
Till now she wonders why i always sleep after she falls asleep.....let me tell you why....cos every times i like to see how sweet you sleep and i can know how was your day and how tired you are.but that also hurted my heart cos i am your bf but i cant do anything to help you.i have my own insecurity too.when you went out to chiong i would wait till you reach home then sleep....yes i am very tired but that's the least i can do cos i worry abt you.

All these worries are nothing now....you are gone....dont think you will read these anyway....all for myself to release my worries and thoughts.
I think you for loving me once and teaching me so much things gal.I love your touch and your back massages.You are the world to me and will always have a part in my heart and i never regretted loving you.
I only have 2 regrets in life for now but you are not.You know what they are.
The first i can tell eveyone.... is Ginnie Chin....i regretted not treasuring her but she is great now and i'm happy
The Second only a few people knows and it kills me everytime i think abt it cos i am the one who did it.
April and Michael's wedding is coming have to be xiong di but without on that day....dont know to be happy or sad on that day...guess i have to wear a super thick mask on that day again.......my sorrows should be kept to myself.I have lose all confidence in myself.i used to be very confidence but it was lost part by part throught these 7 failed relationship.
I dont think i can trust females for now.....i wonder who can open my heart and gain my trust after how you have hurted me.
You know how hard it is to open my heart but you sure know how to destroy it.Everytime i pass by certain places i think of you and feel hurt.....there are places i avoid now also.....near your place, SK clinic, bugis, compassvale.....The worst thing is that i have to delivery at those places and i together go siao.....almost everyone will know but you.....so painful.....