Had another dream of her again.....confirm siao one..... had so many dreams of her these pass 2 mths.....maybe it's my heart learning to let go or my mind going insane from losing her......
I still forgave her for 2 timing me and ditching me.....and yes if she comes back i will still give her a 2nd chance...i know everyone says i should not and i am stupid for doing this but will i believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance.
But i know she is happy now and that is enough..... nothing i can do to change it.No matter how hurt i get or what i do or how worried i am it will never change the facts.I still dont understand how my caring and understanding seems to her that i dont care abt her anymore.....In the end i feel that she is the one who is not understanding......
Well...she has a better bf now......he can give her what i cant...he can spend on her which i cant.....so does it shows that SG is a money place or people here are too materialistic??
She is the angel in everyone's eyes but i know better....
She ditched me on 8th Dec 07 and i met her on 9th Dec 07 only to see a love bite on her neck....She still can tell me she gives me a chance to woo her another even through she has a bf.....wtf...
It's against my character to woo girls that already has a bf....yes corinne i am still that way since sec school.
I dont want to let go but i have to.
Did something stupid just now...i read her 2 blogs..... it hurts but will at least i know she is happy and well......
I thank the people who helped me through these few mths.... my da jie Theresa, Yati my good friend, Jody my sis's friend who cant stand me...lol and my 3 buddies.....
Ok i will try to cut down on drinking fast......i know it doesnt help me but it helps my time pass faster.It stopped 6 weeks for her and now it is moving milli second a day......but at least it's moving.
These few mths so super free and when that happens i keep thinking of her....silly me.....
saw her 2 times these 2 mths.....1 she was in the taxi with bf......2 she was driving with her bf in her car....lol.......heaven likes to make fun of me......tormenting me with these.....But i'm happy and sad cos i can see her but the sad part is she is no longer the gal i know....she changed after going for the modeling job.She still says no but that's a fact she has to face.
She told me she likes to be controlled.....i really dont understand.....i gave her freedom to do what she wants but she thinks i dont care abt her....if i didnt i wouldnt tell her where i go and what i do and when i reach home i will always sms her.....
i think to her, her bf must be with her most of the time....like glue must stick together with her for her to have a sense of security.
I really dont understand....who would want to be controlled and have no freedom in this modern age.....well i guess she doesnt have much friends and activities.....she is more alone then me......but i can understand what cos that....it was her first marriage....poor gal......have to suffer that type of fate....i can never fail him for hurting her that much but i also thank him cos that is the only way i could have met her and love her.
She wanted to settle down when we were together but i say no.....cos i cant confirm if i can settle down my own heart but when i did she changed and started to leave.....life is cruel.......i sort of knew cos her behaviour started to change but i chose to ignore it cos i trusted her.
Even when she went on a business trip and shared a room with her male colleague i trusted her.
No i was jealous and angry at first.....but i thought to myself...have faith and trust in her....i am not a small man and i have to be understanding.....
The second trip she went we had a quarrel......i was angry cos i worried abt her too much...i sms her at 9 to let her know i was walking home but she never reply till 12....what was i to do......
then she flow overseas the next following day and sms me this....
exact quote.... i'm flying soon.i wish ttu will be happy wif me arnd.Do think through what you want when i'm back. Need you to be understanding. Bye...
That night when she was beside me i woke up twice....1st was to cover her with blanket....2nd was she woke up to cover me with blanket....
i sms her a few days later telling her this.....
i am sorry for being angry and i still love you...you are the one i want to settle down with.
when she came back she didnt reply me....only on the 8th than she sms me to say breakup....
Only when i met up with her and read her new blog, old blog and bf's blog then i discovered that she dated the guy for around 2 to 3 mths back....and she was not working on the day she replied me late...she was with him.........she told me she stopped working as modeling for a while liao but she never told me.....all the while i thought she was busy working but she was actually 2 timing behind my back......Silly foolish and stupid me....but i still love her and forgive her....all these things she dare not blog out......The smallest thing she does now hurts and kills me......i know she blocked me on msn....avoids me on KOGS.....the only thing i can know abt her now is her friendster.....yes reading it kills me, it hurts a lot.....think i stop for now....depressing again....
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