35th Post 28 Feb 2008

Too tired to blog last night...so after i reach home i went to sleep......luckily i still managed to wake up and send crystal to work.....too bad i cant remember much abt yesterday's events....oh i had lunch at home....3 wine chicken that dear had that day and went to work around 1 and went to my store for some work....spent only ten mins there before heading out to serangoon for a delivery,after that went to Toa Payoh to meet a supplier following that to upper thomson road to collect company lorry's log card......they offered us a 14ft lorry and Eric accepted the offer...so our will have a new lorry by 3 wks time......new one with power window and panasonic headset....top speed 140....shiok le.....lucky i dont have to drive......following that we proceeded to Thomson Plaza to meet a customer....i even managed to change my atm card....new new bling bling.

After that we met up with a supplier for chatting session......really learnt a lot from him and his experience...but too bad it was drinking session day....think i had abt 1 1/2 bottles before heading home for a rest....managed to 1hr plus with dear..but too bad 40mins i spent sleeping....hehe.....too tired liao.....after having dinner with dear i had to leave for work again......Taka....go there still must wait to change pass and etc...sian....luckily for us it was smooth after changing passes.....but still had to change 2hrs there....but we did managed to do a lot of things within the time period.....by the time we ended it was 12.30....reach home and KO by 1am....but i couldnt fall asleep the whole night.....shit ........ thinking too much again.....

I pity people who live a life of lies......worst still is let people find out abt the lies......what is the point......looking down on people isnt a nice thing to do....i believe the phrase of empty vessel makes the most noise applies to a lot of people who have been commenting on the cbox of her's and mine after my blog was announced......

I have been living a life with a clear conscience so i have nothing to hide or fear.

Here's one for you.... sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never harm me.....forget to tell you.....i got As for english and oral....lol......

William thanks for your comments i value it a lot.....but dont know if the other party will understand what you say...maybe too chim for them how....hehe.....

34th Post 28 Feb 2008

I was really affected by the blog.....at first i was angry....then my logical mind starting thinking.....what is the facts and lies in his blog....i discovered it.....the sms part....i know she will be thinking why i was quiet in the morning....well it was due to the fact that i was thinking of how to break the news abt the blog to her as nice as i can....i dont want to upset her and spoil her mood....after i broke the news to her so assured me that it was a lie......what a fool i am to even start to have doubt in her.....i'm sorry dear.....maybe it was that i was very scare of getting hurt again.....that pain is horrible......he is smart.....he knows that hurting me directly is very hard so he used her as an arrow....well it worked.....it hurted me a lot not cos of that sms.....but cos i started to even have doubt in her.......after sending her to work i went home thinking how stupid i was to be thinking that way.......her reassuring settled my heart again when she called and told me she was going for breakfast......so sweet of her.....i know that no matter how i break the news to her she will be affected.....but she still tried to show me a smiling face and hid her pain.....that part of her character is the same as me......noon came and i had to go work.......when she was free she would call me.....hearing her voice cheers me up all day.....no matter how tired i am.too bad i had ended working till almost 7 and cant fetch her again......tmr dont know if i can make it.....only thing i know now is tmr night i need to go taka after ten for work.maybe in the afternoon also need to go work.....it will be a super long night tmr....think by the time i reach home she should be sound asleep.....new stuff will need more time to fix......sian......today afternoon already run around SG liao.....from home to kaki bukit then to SIR then to Martin Rd then to Bukit Panjang and back to my store....it's not xiong but sian....time consuming.....wanted to spend more time with her but no choice one that is working life.....going to get more busy next month....but i will still try to find more time to spend with her.Sat dont know will kenna recall a not....if not go fishing with her.....go there feed mosquito with me....hehe.....Even tonight also never spend much time with her cos had to do ginny's laptops and it took me a few hours......by then i was irritated by the problems and my laptop also got problem....super irritated and sian till i didnt notice i rise my voice at her......she's angry i know......but i really didnt know i rise my voice....it's not a good excuse but it is the truth.....but she was happy when i told her to go sleep at 11...cos she knew i read her blog and care abt her....after she slept i still had to do my work till now then free....stupid lappy still got problems....nevermind la leave it for another day....i got enough things to worry abt today liao.......no wonder mood so bad till i didnt notice....subconscience pressure on myself again.....The most interesting thing was this.....the pics used on his blog were taken from Miss S but she doesnt know him.....she even place the comment on my cbox to let me know......lol.....pathetic let people find out......think he is paiseh now...dont know who neutral is but this person is interesting.......thanks again william for your comment....hehe.....i agree with you....lolwell the cbox is for all to comment, good or bad i will read......if you anyhow comment and let people shoot also not my issue.......all i can say is........look at both side of a page and understand before you start to comment.....but neutral reminds me of him.....got same character....i was like that last time......oh long long time ago in sec school.....now more of a dont care guy....i only care for my family, crystal, my career and my friends now.These factors are what made me today....Crystal asked me one qns today and i replied her Yes without thinking.....the qns was do you understand yourself.....
When you can understand and accept others then you will learn to understand yourself.One thing that me and Alex think the same is that knowing ourselves is the hardest thing to do.
I wonder which other interesting characters will appear on my blog tmr.....at least it keeps me interested.....lol......dear is sleeping and smiling again.....looks so sweet that it melts my heart.....hope i can bring her more happiness in the future.....guess i have to work harder so that i can solve her problems faster.....dear when you get your pay no need to give me a treat k....just kiss is all i need

33th Post 27 Feb 2008

Read someone's blog again....well it did affect me in some ways.......comments like beng english etc didnt affect me.....it was the rest of the part that did....after living so many years why cant some people face the facts....pitiful......so what if you have fluent english .....it doesnt show anything.....really must look at the dictionary for one word that i find describes him well...... hypocrite.why bother typing so fluently with bombastic words when life should be simple and easy....maybe i just dont understand humans beings.....they have problems with accepting their own faults and yet like to comment abt other.....well all i can say to that is grow up......maybe i can understand why he behaves this way...it might be due to his up bring........poor thing.....but it also made him strong that's the thing abt life.....weak in one sense but strong in another....just wondering how come at 30 plus he is still like this......sometimes i feel i should pity him.......hurting others to satisfy his own feelings.....by the way i couldnt have sms him.....fool.....i dont even have his hp number.....the loop hole in his blog was abt the sms....if he read it once and deleted it then he wont be able to type it out word for word later.....lame.......good try in trying to hurt her and me but it didnt work.......sorry dear for even thinking abt doubting you.....guess i am still afraid of getting hurt....hehe....by the way again.....his blog is interesting to read.....like a 'sexscape' blog.......lol.....imagine he can tell the whole world he slept with who etc......but guess that is many guys' fantasy, sleeping around with different ladies........I am a guy too....lol
Another cartoon is Mark......if you have a clear conscience why are you afraid of people's blog....by the way if you are reading this...it's not crystal's blog but alan's blog that has named you.....you have better media reach......so what.....the line you are in is messy i know.....it's nothing new to me.....that's why i left.....very hard to keep a clear conscience in a back stabbing world.........pitiful people who needs to keep so many things hidden.....

32th Post 26 Feb 2008

What a cold morning.......early morning only, 2 silly wear thin clothes take bus....why the bus so cold....haha......goosebumps all the way to her company......lucky dear never catch cold.....lucky the bus i took back also not cold if not sure die.....so hot that i managed to keep her warm while on the bus...no la no funny business.....just keep stroking her arm to give her some warmth.....that teaches me a lesson....next time must bring a jacket for her to wear in case she is cold......i dont mind if i fall sick cos i recover fast......lol......i also forget what i did after i reach home......short term memory lost shows that i havent had enough sleep.lol.........but i remember 1 important thing and that is i chatted with crystal.The next thing i can remember is that i left for work around 12plus....Went to northlink to eat wanton mee.....the mee quite Q ....can eat.....then went upstairs to pick sofa.....then went to amk to pick up letter and straight to serangoon garden DBS bank......when all that ended it was 2.30pm liao.....so off to holt rd for delivery and to martin rd for discussion......Dajie wanted to see my palms.....but she see liao dont tell me anything and leave me hanging.....she only said one phrase...if i tell you, you also might be in doubt.......i get what she means.......but still interested to know what she foresee......after that was 5plus liao.....so sad i cant go and pick up dear from work....called her when i was reaching home and found that she was at house doing laundry at first i was lazy to go find her......but then i discovered that i cant be so lazy so i pushed myself to her place......when i reached i was supposed to call her to open the door...but i decided to stand there cos her dog will bark at the door....hehe.....i could tell she was happy to see me......i was happy to see her too....we spent some time at her place and ate a bit of her mother's cooking.By the time we reached my place it was around 7 plus liao.....sister tot i was likely not coming back for dinner so never cook much rice.....poor dear gave me all the rice and only ate the curry chicken.....hehe.......then it was back to room for slacking...hehe....but we had to go out to serangoon garden cos i needed to bank in cheque and cash........then we went to try one of the western food there...no la not Auston,tried before liao.Now this is Zan's .....not bad fish and chip......but too bad the serving portion is a bit small....half bottle of tabasco sauce let me eat till done left again....hehe.....i am a tabasco siao.....dear didnt want to eat so she had soup and garlic bread and a bit of my fish........the amazing thing was that we had to pack carrot cake for my sis and she also wanted....hehe .....also packed 2 bean curd and 1 hot beancurd drink for my parents........Ended up in my room eating the carrot cake ......but she ate most of it.....I'm so happy that she enjoys the food and is feeling better.....but i think she got a bit of flu liao....why you may ask....cos now i can see her saliva on her pillow and her partial running nose flowing down her nose....hehe......dear now you know why i never hug you to sleep liao....haha.....oops.......time for me to sleep...i also gothave a long day of work tmr....kaki bukit and martin rd and bukit panjang so far i only know these few deliveries.......dont know can managed to fetch dear dear a not......hmm......

31st Post 25 Feb 2008

Another day another morning.....but dear still sick......so decided that go see doc.....so she never work again....hehe...get to hug her in bed again till quite late.....anyway we were tired from waking up early everyday.....there we laid till 11plus then go and see doctor and get food.....
The clinic was near my place only at hougang point.....lucky le.....some more only 2 person in queue.....after she registed we went to grab some food, while walking dear had saw donuts and had cravings for some.....she wanted 1 but i bought 6....lol.....then back to the clinic.....just nice also then it was her turn liao.....think she went in only a few mins and out she was....super fast visit......she got 1 day mc and some med for her eyes......think she watch too much desperate housewife liao....but she is still very pretty to me with sore eyes.....hehe....hopefully it doesnt spread to me.....hehe.....then it was breakfast cum lunch time again......all the food looks good but only these caught our eyes......black pepper onion and sliced beef, and 3 flavour chicken......smoking hot and nice.....ended up i had to serving of rice while she had only 1....that was not all.....after that we went to buy O ni and stuff.....and pack for food my sis......after we ended up home i started to eat the donuts.....think we shared 3 to 4 throughout the whole afternoon till 3 when she applied her med and fell asleep.....hehe....the way she slept was so sweet......end up i also fell asleep while looking at her.....oops.only when my phone rang than we woke up...my supplier called and ask me weird qns......lol....sian....but very awake liao since we slept so much.....she was still full so i finished the rest of the donut by myself....haha....whole day hungry......must be got worms....so back to desperate housewife for her and tv for me.....Then we had home cooked malay fried rice for dinner at 9...a bit spicy but shiok....think we shared 3 bowls.......after that we relaxed in bed again, her super pose in bed while watching desperate housewife......we are becoming super unhealthy....we saw a show call sweets for my sweet on ch5...super tempting.....the mudpie and magic potion looks so good...decided to go for it these few days....dear fat liao cannot blame me hor....hehe....lol.....eat and rest only.....but hor.... i felt hungry quickly again at 11......so i had to drag my lazy dear down to eat with me again.....
She didnt want to eat so she had ice milo.....sweet sweet le...while i had cheng ting......after walking home finally started to feel full.....reach home and laid in bed first before wanting to go prepare to sleep....lazy doggies.....haha......by the time i bath finish she was already in deep sleep....good good...at least she sleeps well and dont have headaches....kiss her also she dont know liao....no dear your pimples not i cos one hor.....haha

30th Post 25 Feb 2008

What a long day but it was enjoyable.......Tired till cant wake up.....ended up got morning call from Max at ten plus......but still felt super tired....so still sleep....poor dear dear also tired like siao.....so lie in bed sleep till 11 plus then prepare to go out.....where...... bedok for forum meet up...too long never go liao...all the faces are different liao....only 2 ceratos there .....crytal's and white SGR cerato .....sorry forgot his name.....no choice...bad memory....reach there also a few familiar face....alan....rover....jeff...max...the rest are new to me.....finally managed to fix dear's last year birthday..hehe...oops....now till know how busy i was......visor is up and sticked egr protector on liao........then chatted with max and jeff on life....so in depth....lol....but poor dear was very bored so had to cut the chatting session short and went for breakfast cum lunch with dear opposite the place.....Dear wanted to eat hokkien prawn mee but there dont have.....luckily the western food tempted her...hehe....heng.....she had mixed grill while i had seafood spagetti.....the food was worth the price....super nice.....eat till full also....only took my one if not we both will be blogging the same thing since we are spending a lot of time together....she eat till her polo T kenna....lol....like small kid,,,,hehe.....ended up she help me wipe my mouth cos i eat till mouth dirty....lol.....i love that....i could look into her eyes and feel her love for me.......after that we went to AMK for pak tok......went to put at open carpark and slowly walked to amk hub.....then went inside.......really walked every level.....had such a nice time especially with her by my side......we started at the basement then she brought me to buy durian puffs....but too full liao so we decided to go till the top and walk down to buy later.....shop by shop, level by level........then we walked outside and back to the car........oops forget to buy the durian puffs.....no choice that will be for another day.....got chance one....dear looked great in the jeans and polo T...it really showed her figure......nice nice....hehethen we went back to her place around 4 to let her changed her clothes before heading to my place to change and then to TMCC safra chalet.....hehe here got one secret for the 2 of us to remember.....hehe......went there to celebrate my niece's birthday and her newborn brother's full month......nice buffet food.....the sea cucumber and O ni was great.....then left there around 8 for home.....rest first before going to pick her mum's up......ended up reach home she watched Desperate Housewife ....hehe....so i called hongjun but he was not free at that time....think must stop dear from looking at pc for long period of time cos she keep getting sore eyes......finally at ten then he called .....so we went out to meet him and serene for coffee.....just when we reached the car her mum called....irony.....no choice want call hongjun and cancel appointment.....we tried another new road to her auntie's place and fetched her mum and then back to her place to park the car and help bring things up to her place.....the day was finally ending soon....but stomach hungry......lol...we ended up going to hougang point for food.....i ate mee.....but it sucks....terrible.....bought dear qing ting cos she was heaty.....poor dear....really scare she fall sick.....she has been in bad health since feb......heart pain.....now she is sleeping soundly like a baby.....like the look on her face.....sweet sweet.......we also went cheers to buy things......got her some healthy yogurt drinks and rhino cooling water....hope she recovers soon....dont know she will remember to bring her cereal and stuff to office a not....sick till blur blur....lucky she didnt have to drive......the pic was taken off jasmine's friendster..... finally.....

The wedding dinner we went together before we broke up.......could you tell from the body language that something was wrong.....hehe...i could.......but that's history and i only want to look towards the future with her......Think Eric is confirm single liao.....cant do much to help him.....dear dear still joked with him on who he is deleting on his friendster....worse was using my msn......naughty dear.....had to explain to her why it was a bad thing to do.....well i know that he knows i am here if he needs.......dear if you want to know how to see i will teach you k.....anyone wants to know can ask also.......

29th Post 24 Feb 2008

Today dear dear never work but i cant accompany her wake up...sorry dear...had to work....tmr you wake up then can read this liao......tmr we going DIY session together so happy......cant wait for tmr to come....feeling tired now but no choice have to faster finish my work....she's asleep now so i'm trying not to wake her while i work on......she looks so sweet when she is sleeping.....had to work from 10 to 7 today......no choice a lot of goods to send.....a bit shag but didnt want her to see me tired hehe......so i tried to look awake....lol....then reach home around 7 then managed to watch desperate housewife with her for a while before going out with dinner with my sister, her husband and her 2 kids and my dear dear....at first they wanted to go to Geylang for ho fan....lucky in the end went serangoon gardens for thai express...if not sure kenna jam...somemore i am driving....heng........ i can only remember what dear and me had...lol.... her's was yellow curry rice and mine was thai beef steak..... not really nice....but i like the chili......something new....after that we went next door to cold storage and i bought her some more cookies for her to eat....could feel that she like that a lot from the way she tells me abt it...so glad i can do such small things and make my dear happy......after that we went home and rest before going to her place for the night....i promised her that i would go to her place cos i know she needs to do her things also.....was on the way there when i remember that she was having a sweet tooth today so i decided to go to mad jack for some dessert.....we ordered the complexion drink....mad choco lover and my wild boy....hehe eat and eat...dont worry dear you are not fat...even took a pic there but i dont know where to see so a bit co*ckeye hehe......then of to her place we went but too bad when we reached her place her sis and bf was at home.....so no choice have to come back to my place.....poor dear having sore eyes.....i so heart pain but nevermind dear you are still the prettiest in my eyes......muacks.......time to zzzz......shag out....tmr is another busy day full of activities......promised to spend more time with her....
thanks for all your concern......


by the way.....just read his blog...thanks....if i am that way to him what to do...he doesnt even dare to approve my comment....what a joke...seems like an educated but moraless person.....but he is right abt one thing.....why bother.....anyway my blog was not abt letting him know abt me or anything like that it was to let crystal and my friends know my feelings..... A person with a clear conscience does not fear a knock on the door at 3am... get the hint....you will reap what you sow......that's karma....a person may look smart but his behaviour and character is terrible....a messy person might have a better behaviour and character....so always look beyond the appearance of anyone......if a person is not bothered by something than why blog it.....haha...got you....i know dear is still concern abt him and i can understand.....she still have to pay for the hp lines and GE.....must really try to think of ways to solve her problems one by one......time for brain power....2nd night in a round......

28th Post 22 Feb 2008

Quite lost what i did or feel yesterday...lol......only remember i did send my dear to work and sumiko did msn me.....telling me my life was happening.....The clearest thing i remember is meeting my dear and her collegues for dinner at balestier bak ku teh....the one with a lot of pics with stars and sending her collegues home and going to her place then taking the bus happily to my place with her....so good to spend time with her....think i am starting to remember liao.....

I started work at 11 then went Greenwich Park for delivery, then back to store for reload of goods and then Holt Rd.After that to martin rd and to thomson plaza....all the time was worried that my dear might overwork and have headache again.........she isnt very well these few days so i'm quite worried.....after that i rushed down to meet her at toa payoh.....hehe silly me forgot 13 never go there...in the end had to walk to the temple and meet them...lol.....nice relaxing long walk.....haha.......

Ya ...my breakfast........shiok man.....lol

27th Post 22 Feb 2008

Didnt notice i didnt blog yesterday....haha......what to do......happily in love is like that one.....

Messy hair le.....but her smile makes the pic look so nice.....
my dear never worked yesterday so spend all the time with her......wake up with her for the past few days and hugging in bed till she goes to work.....i'm really grateful that i can do all these.....Then my dear was lazy to go work so we decided to go to Mac and eat breakfast.....Feels so nice to hold her hands and stroll down....Really felt so blessed....Even when we were there i could take my eyes off her.....but dear want to work also cant cos the connection to her office was down......Our foody pics below





I had a great breakfast and the most important thing is that i spent it eating with her....after that
we went home and let her do her work.....then at 1 came the news that i had to go for delivery...sian...had to leave her alone at home......was really afraid she will be bored.....i could also tell that she was very tired...see liao so heart pain.....felt so helpless when i cant help....
then i left for work at 3.....really hoped to finish super fast so that i could see her soon.....time really did fly fast and it was almost 5 when dear called me....so sweet of her......lucky i was almost done....last stop AMK to do change legs for a bedframe.It took a while but still managed to surprise her by reaching home early.....the smile on her face make it feel all worth while....
Had steamboat for dinner with my family and her.....92 and 96 red wine...... shiok hor......even received a comment on my blog by william my platoon mate who is overseas now...thanks bro.....so nice to know that i have so many people who supports me.....
After dinner we went to our room and started to chat abt our future...I know she wasts to settle down....but i cant afford to now.....wanted to buy a nice ring for her but guess have to wait a while dear.....sorry....Then we went to hdb loans and stuff..... all the facts and figures started to depress me a lot but i didnt tell you dear.....really feel so useless......cant afford this and that.....depressing finding myself so useless......I also know that your ex still affects you a lot and his words hurt you a lot.....all the while i try to heal your heart....really dont know whether i should stop you from reading his blog or should i just let you do it.i hate people who hurt you.Especially him cos he is playing around with words and hurting your emotionals.He is really an actor.....a word i dont like to use but the word is bastard......read his blog...so fast can sleep around.....he is more like playing around then looking for gf...no wonder say you are boring....cos he is a playboy and an immature one also......Be back later to blog for today

26th Post 20 Feb 2008

Sleepy afternoon....lol.....but still wanted to tahan so that i could chat more with my dear....managed to tahan till 3 and then thought i could go sleep liao than later can wake up and surprise her by picking her up from her company.......but too my surprise i had to go bukit panjang warehouse to pick up goods with Eric...........sian..... so no choice.....had to tell me dear i am going out for delivery.......was scare i might disappoint her if i didnt inform her cos i might not be able to surprise her by my time est......she also smart one hor....she also guessing i might be going to surprise her by picking her up....lucky all ended around 4pm.......I was so happy that i thought i can go surprise her liao but then he say go another customers house to see see what thing is wrong......So from bukit panjang we went to onan road......near joo chiat....then it was 4.30 liao....spent abt 10mins there ....no choice as people come and come....lol.....then on the way home liao......but hor.....got slight jam so i only reach my place at 5pm.....dear called me and asked me around what time i might reach home.....so i told her i will go over to her company to pick her up......i called her again and told her that i am on my way.....lucky me bus timing just nice so reach there only bus come......so up the bus....long time never take bus...feeling was nice.....but the bus air con not cold.......but nevermind...cos meeting her first is more important.....finally 5.15pm i reach.....and she calculated the timing and just nice walked down as i reach.....but too bad the bus we had to take came faster than we cant reach the opposite bus stop.....but nevermind.....i wanted to spend more time with her or if i could i wanted to slow time down or stop it.......haha selfish hor.....last time want fast now want stop or slow....what to do.....really every moment spent with her seems like eternality.....i am so happy to have her by my side again....feel so blessed.....we took the bus back and chatted on it......normally i had to neglect talking to her when i drive....so all this things are consider luxuries to me.....the chance to hold her hand on the bus or just standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus.......really not much words i can use to describe my feelings.........i am so glad that my sufferings have paid off.......
We spent the time working on our lappies together......had dinner together and even went for a stroll to downstair's NTUC.....This is the future that i want to look forward to with her.I really cant imagine growing old with anyone else liao.........i have really handled my heart over to her......lol......I'm so happy now.......Too bad tmr i got to do a few deliveries so i cant chat with her much.....hope i end early so that i can go pick her up again......My dad even ask my mum to ask me to ask her over for steamboat tmr night.....I am so lucky to have such a supportive family who respects my wishes and for my dear to come back to me......

25th Post 20 Feb 2008

I had the best morning i havent had for a long time.....i could hug and hold the one i love and send her to work...something i couldnt do and had never done last time.....and the best was i could see how happy she was....happy till laptop also forget to take up to her office....hehe...lucky i noticed and stopped to pass it to her....her smile brought so much joy to me....guess i really did neglect her a lot last time...feels so guilty......i told her that my heart was tired from looking everywhere for her and my heart has finally found her.she is the only one my heart will rest on from now on....i only want her to be jealous of one thing and that is to be jealous that her bf is so good to her that other gals will be jealous of her....lol.Then i had family love mee tai mak for lunch with big big fishball.....so shiok and full...the mee tai mak very Q.....better than NTUC one.....heard that her ex just called her mama and told her he own a lot of people money....but in his blog he say she is with her for his money...what talking him.....then what abt the GE thingy??A lot of people read his blog also cannot tahan him liao.....say till he is so poor thing and happy without her then now say all these nonsense..... wake up la.....how much do you want to hurt her.....that is if you could hurt her.....she has been through more than that.that is how strong my dear has become and how strong my trust for her is.I know he can anaylse will and so can i.
The first time i read his blog i can already guess what character he has....Not 100% but near......Even in terms of money he also has more than me so i know my dear isn't in it for the money....Honestly i feel that he is being a disgrace to man.....going so low to hurt her.....cheap blow in america phrase....so what if the whole world knows i dont care......she is honest to me and that is what makes me trust her more and more.I will only rest well in her arms cos that is where my heart is....yes with her.If he really love her than he wouldnt be doing all these nonsense......guess in the end he is the pathetic one....well at least i pity him.....cos he dont know what is love

24th Post 20 Feb 2008

What a great day i had yesterday.....went supplier's home to fix his pc...in the end no need only need to transfer his router to another room and hook it up.....tada...all done....30mins.......somemore he picked me up in his accord...shiok.....then he ask if i could go jurong with him first cos he needed to drop of somethings at a shop.So i follow and he went to his store first to change car and collected his things.....hehe....Odyssey ...big and shiok..... to jurong....so relaxing dont have to drive.....after that he sent me home........super shiok afternoon....all that done around 3pm......then came something bad...crystal msn me to ask me not to wait for her...i was devastated.......i was fighting all i can to hold my tears in and not to go insane.......then she saved me again...she told me the truth....that opened my heart to her immediately.....she got threatened by her ex.....he threaten to hurt her family, her job, her car and me.....what a insane fellow.....cant get then destroy...siao...say he is dying cos got cancer,wanted her to be by his side for 2 months.....what type of reasons are these??? .....after that go siao and threaten then go and bad name her......certain things she told him but he used it back on her.....what is he trying to do, make her ashamed or imfamous or trying to make me leave her...but i thank him...i now know more and she has also opened her heart to me too.
Imagine for a gal to confess and be honest till this type of stage...who dares.....but that is one thing i like also.....she is honest and that is the most important to me.....what a pathetic person he is .....man to man...grow up la.....if she wanted your money than she wont come back to me.....cos i have no money.....why cant you blame yourself instead of others first.....ask yourself what you did wrong then say things....30 plus liao still so childish in EQ....you really need help......I will protect her the best i can and i love her with my heart and soul.......i can even let her go as long as she gets happiness...that is how much and how deep i love her......All these time revenge has never come across my mind.....cos i am not that type of person and she knows....She betrayed me twice but i still love her.....can you understand what is real love and how deep mine is for her...... If you blame her for hurting you...then shouldnt i be blaming you for hurting me and flirting with her......i chose to let her have freedom to grow and i neglected her so i deserved what happened.How can you hurt or blame someone you love.....you have already lost trust in her then what is the point in being together again.....I went against everyone's advice to be with her ......can you?I can accept all she has done and forgive her...can you.....
True love is to accept someone for who she is and not what she will become.....even if she has done wrong you can forgive her......
That is how deep my love for her is.......

I posted this comment on his blog...scare he edit my words
Thanks Alan for letting me know more things.I am pathetic cos i can forgive her and accept her and she has been honest and confessed to me…That is how deep i love her.And i know what has been going on abt you 2.You are a smart person so dont do silly things.Time for you to get treatment.I will protect her the best i can.Even if i get betrayed again, this is one road i have chosen….Dont forget you took her away from me once too and i dont hate you.You have helped her grow and i also want to thank you for that

I spent the rest of the evening with her after her work cos she was scared of you even when she forbide me for meeting her for 3 months.....she has given me the best gift i can ask for and that is honesty.....and i'm proud to say we are together.

23th Post 19 Feb 2008

Had a interesting day yesterday.... first tired then bored then sleepy....lol.....somemore kenna scolding.....chatted with crystal in the afternoon till evening...then i was trying not to sleep so i watched 2 animes...but it didnt help....i was supposed to eat dinner so no choice it was already 6 so i can only sleep 30minutes...lie down only straight away zzzzzzz.then wake up and had dinner....then came the scolding......Yati called to check on me and scold me for drinking....hehe...then later i must prepare to go out with eric and hongjun....sorry tingting i never go wake....paiseh cos i really needed to go out with them for advice.....They wanted to drink coffee so pull me go Jalan Kayu.....go there only i keep thinking of crystal....miss her so much....but she wanted me to wait and i promised her so i had to wait.she also forbide me to see her this 3 mths and i also promised her...hehe....guess i can only wait...We went there and chatted abt things...their future and what they wanted to study and what they planned to do in the future...They also shared their thoughts with me on crystal and me....I listened to them cos i know they understand me and their advice are important to me...thanks a lot....chatted till around 9 and we went rounding with hongjun...no need to drive so shiok...haha...went a few places.....shiok but tiring.....i drunk teh and teh tarik and coffee till siao.....yati even sms me abt my decision...thanks gal...i understand what i am doing and what might happen thanks for your support...it means a lot......end of the day we went to pick up serene and her friends...hongjun had to send them home first then i could go home....by that time i really shag out....abt 2.30 then i could sleep.but to my nightmare i couldnt fall asleep....yes i read her blog before i slept....all the way cant sleep till morning 7am...then woke up at 9.30 feeling unwell..think might have caught a slight cold and feeling heaty.....later going to fix my supplier's pc....hehe...sick still go out...but no choice i promised him liao...hopefully it goes smoothly....that's all for now i need to go prepare liao he is reaching soon.......hope crystal feels better...poor gal having headache now...

22th Post 18 Feb 2008

Been thinking so long whether to blog this and finally i have decided to do it.Not to be happy or sad just needed to blog it out....Been chatting with crystal on msn yesterday after such a long wait....finally chatted with her again and found out they broke up...i didnt know to be happy or sad.....she told me she broke up with him cos she found that she really loves me and regrets it.So i asked her did she do it to spite me....yes was her answer...Yes april i acted blur last night when you told me abt it......and i did read his blog and her 3 blogs.....3 yes including friendster's blog....i found his blog unfair, one side and immature....everyone knows that when a relationship failed both party sure have faults.how can he push it all to her....if you cant accept her then dont hurt her.....yes i know they slept together...i could have guess cos i know her well....come on this time of age if you tell people you are virgin who will believe..i have learnt to accept that....thinkings are different now....if she dares to confess it then we must learn to accept it.The worst blow was when i read her friendster's blog....yes she betrayed me not once but twice....she slept with mark chow....really double blow for me....but i still choose to forgive her that's why i needed to drink last night....tears really were free last night.....we chatted the whole day online talking abt things...things that hurt me a lot...she asked me if i was only drugs....OMG....drugs....of course not cos if i did my father will be the first to pull me to police station...dont know who spread this rumors abt me but well at least i know she still cares for me..i was touched..and then i ask her if she wanted me to wait for her....she said yes....3 months cos she needs to settle her things first....i respect her decision cos she and me have the same character..i would have chosen the same thing....by doing this we give each other space to breathe.For me to unthaw and open my heart to her and for her to recover from her problems and pain...
I know i am going against everyone's advice but that is how deep i love her.....i can only say SORRY but i have decided to go against everyone's advice.....but i believe she deserves a 2nd chance although i was betrayed twice.....i told her i dont know what to do....i am normally a logical guy but this time i have decided to go with my heart for the first time.....Hope i dont end up disappointed and hurt again cos i have already done what no person can do.....i also hope she will not turn up as my 3rd regret....Either regret as stupid me never heed advice....or.....stupid me let her toyed my feelings again...... Poor crystal now still sick...hearing that my heart aches....ear pain with stomach and cramps.....hao xin tong...i cant do anything to help her.spent the whole day chatting with her till dont want to go out...even when she went to sleep i was also waiting for her to online again.....i lost her once and i dont want to lose her again.then after what seems an eternal she was online again...we chatted till 2 and she tried to sleep.but then she gave me a surprise, one that i have been dreaming abt and waiting for for a long time......she called me, i cant remember when i was so happy before.....time flow by really quickly as we talked i even told her abt my dreams and exs....i told her everything she wanted to know and then it was 4plus....only then did she sleep...poor her now must be very tired.......i will be waiting for her....cant wait to hug her........it's something i have been dreaming abt and looking forward to.....
To everyone if you respect me pls respect my decision and most importantly respect her for being so brave.If anyone fails to do that all i can say is you dont respect me also.Advices i will still listen but nothing else.....This is the path i have decision to walk no matter what will happen in the future....I also hope she will have more friends to guide her cos she lost a lot of them before......accept her for who she is and not what she did before, as my friends i dont think that is hard for you all to do....last of all....Crystal Tan Sue Ni......... I love you

21th Post 18 Feb 2008

Nothing to do now while waiting for food so someone suggested to take pic of my pimple......big and red and painful....see la.....drink guinness la...so heaty...haha....think after eating will go zzzz.....since nothing to do......any kaki free to go swimming now??

20th Post 18 Feb 2008

Sian......4.30am then sleep then kenna waken up by phone call......Eric needed to pick up faxed order so that he can order goods....lucky that one is his job and not mine.....now he is on his way to store to do ordering....haha......I still can walk to hougang point to buy smokes and water....lol....half awake and half asleep..havent even shave yet.....with on big big red pimple on my nose....Think i look like zombie just now no wonder people keep looking at me.....lucky got no pretty gals if not scare them away how....lol

19th Post 18 Feb 2008

was suppose to meet tingting for wake just now but i'm too depress and hurt to do it...read all her blogs and found out i was betrayed not once but twice...stupid charles so useless....so foolish..... even had to get drunk to sleep....sleep still can cry....stupid me.....why does it hurt so much....i should be happy.found out from april that they broke up...should i be happy?? nope i feel sad cos i know she is hurted again....i read all the blogs and found that the blog her ex bf wrote was unfair one sided and immature...you took her from me and yet you hurted her and say such things.....grow up la...cant you accept her for who she is..she is not boring or suay.....blame everyone but yourself......you took her away from me and yet this is how you treat her.....can you treat her better.....she doesnt deserve this...she is worth more that that....she gave you a lot and yet you hurt her......too bad i cant do anything for her or to you......i can only drink myself to sleep if not i am sure i will be awake all night crying as i am crying now.i hope she can recover fast, i also hope she will not feel much pain..but that's not possible cos i know her too well....knowing her so well hurts me a lot.....i cant do anything to ease her pain and suffering....why am i so useless.......all i can do is hope and pray for her.......hope she is better and pray that she will be better....i dont mind god teasing me but why must you tease the ones i love also......i rather bear all the sufferings that they need to go through.... why must this happen to her.it's so unfair to her........why am i crying also.....i thought i have moved on....stupid charles wake up la........ i really cant hold my tears in anymore........shit.....drinking these to help me sleep....

18th Post 17 Feb 2008

finally something i can look forward to and be happy abt it... hope the month of May comes quickly......i dont want to be disappointed anymore....god pls stop teasing me....hope i kenna toto...so can clear a lot of things and help a lot of people......SG is really a place where money makes it go round....so many people are in debts...be it house or car....who doesnt live in debts here.....some even worse swipe credit cards till in debts......no wonder my father doesnt have one... good foresight.but it is helpful also in some situations......rayson teach me one....imagine when you are in really need of money and your pay is next day and your savings isnt enough you can swipe first and pay later...but must pay hor if not in debt liao.....the convenience of credit cards......come to think of it IPPT coming....siao liao.....long time never exercise....last one my situp sucked....2 pt only....this time should i aim higher and go for gold?? all 4pt or 5pt only situp le.....PTI also ask me to redo....but i scare my back cannot take it le......really must push myself to start exercising liao old liao somemore drink and smoke so much....
Time to set goals also.....spend less money and exercise more first.....haha...realistic goals.....
In the end no kaki go out....so spend time at home watching tv and animes.....later watch movie......dont know why no one dare to put name on the cbox.....i got so fierce or scary meh....hmm....dont know rayson later free for coffee a not.....he is also a workaholic.....lol

17th Post 17 Feb 2008

well my day seems to be getting better.....had a long long chat with someone very impt to me and i learnt a great deal..... that person cheered me up a lot and even managed to make me tears while smiling happily....long time never happen liao.amazing what a few words can do to a person, when that person is impt........my day seems better and better wonder how it will end by the end of the day...will it be better or worse.....that's life, we can only guess.
All these made me wonder one thing.... the things we do for love.We can give everything and do everything for the person we love but do they really feel it or are happy.Sometimes i wonder if what we are doing is correct or wrong.If sharing pains and sufferings and problems is wrong then how abt letting the person share it?The person have their own problems and still have to carry your burden with them...is it an act of selfishness or a act of love.
For me i will keep it to myself.....cos i dont want to let her carry my burden.i know it may be selfish but i feel useless when i cant solve her problems and yet let her carry my burden.
Everyone has their own problems and worries but where is the thin line where we share it?Anger, rage, sadness which is the mood you would choice to let out you worries and problems???
If it is any of the above than you need to grow up.That's life....
Whole back a bit sore.....fighting with fishes is good exercise sia.....
Someone just ask me to go JB for dinner....dont really feel like it....sure jam one later.....somemore no car for now so never promised her....feel like swimming now dont know got kaki a not.....even my supplier also ask me out.....out as in go his place help him do his pc.....woodland le....super lazy lor...hehe....
To the gal i cant guess is whom....are you shimin ?? if not than i really lost liao.....

I have done what you ask me to do.

16th Post 17 Feb 2008

What a lousy sleep..... was mentally awake most of the time.... must be the coffee i drunk last night...haha...too long never drink coffee liao....body also aching a bit..must be come from fighting with fish....Dont know i should be happy that piggy got reply my message or be sad that she say those things.Really dont know anymore....she is still the same....EDITED BY REQUEST.just hope she is happy that's all i hope for.she is still struck in her own world.....i wonder if she will grow up emotional....stop stressing yourself over things la piggy.....when you feel hurt you always do those small small things like editing and changing your profile in blog or friendster...bet you dont know that yourself.If you need advice can look for me.....i will always be here for you and you will always have a place in my heart.....silly and foolish charles but it's me.....that's why i cant let go well.......well i am still looking forward to today....hope it turns out well again.....

15th Post 17 Feb 2008

Haha fun fun day.......in the end never go ginny's place.....sian till sleep at 3 then wake up at 6 then left at 6.30 go fishing at pasir ris farmway 2. Spent a lot of time there till 1.40am then reach home...learnt a lot there from everyone there....zaidy's friends were fun and willing to share with my skills and knowledge....i even caught 2 fishes and 1 got away cos i didnt want to pull it up....hehe....the fighting with the fish was shiok.....a lot of pulling.....Too bad i can only remember a few of their names... OG, CP, Joshua, Tommy, Willy and Joe.They shared with me how to hook in live bait and dead bait and how to cast properly....sorry to OG, cos i used his reel and had to cut his line twice....braided line somemore.Very friendly batch to hang out with....Guess my activities just increased again...YA~!!!.....prawning, mahjong, fishing added.....too bad no one wanted most of the fishes caught.Now i have a lot of fishes in my fridge.....lucky i dont eat fish much...lol......guess my neighbours are lucky to have us...no need to buy fish liao...save their money too.but take note for people going there to fish hor....mosquitos a lot....i kenna 1 while fishing and 2 while leaving.....but still shiok at least it took my mind of her for a while.i know i shouldnt be thinking of her but that's me....not easy to let go.dont know tmr will have what activities again...maybe go fishing again....or find people play mahjong or go out and chill somewhere......i heard from them that Jumper the movie is nice...maybe go see if got kaki......
Later will post the first fish i caught.......longer time never fish, the feeling is great....a bit small only about 2kg i think...they call it sweet lips....heard it's nice to eat.The 1st one was luck....i was reeling in and it bite the bait...hehe...heng heng....The 2nd one was quite a while later liao....kenna then slowly reel in till the edge....still ya ya tell them nevermind i fight with the fish a bit more first then pull in, in the end the fish spit out the hook.....haha.....too bad... The 3rd one was worst...i was smoking and then looked at OG reeling in when suddenly got spinning sound,Joshua was like hey kenna liao.....i was still thinking whose reel was it......then i realized was mine...still can stylo milo with cigarette in mouth reel in the fish.....so total is 2 fish + 1 escape.
To the gal who i still cant guess who....i still cant figure out who you are....you really know a lot of things about me that not many will know even my ex doesnt know that much about my habits of keeping fringe and i used to smoke methol light and i am shag after atheletic training....somemore know i like to play silent scope also......interesting how come you know so much.....makes me interested to know who you are more.Didnt know still got people noticed me in poly so much.....lol.....thanks.
Just finish watching the pianist......great show of how a man overcome war and sufferings to survive......great music also.....so relaxing listening to it... but i still prefer Jazz for all to know....
Looking forward to tmr....dont know what it will bring......hopefully smiles to me and not tears again....

14th Post 16 Feb 2008

What a day yesterday was.....memories flying everywhere......happiness and tears collide.....But i know i am letting go......Just hope she is happy.......
Wake up at 8 today ...also dont know why......last night drink a lot but still never high still had to send hongjun and gf home first......4 Jugs only.....slept at 1am somemore....
yesterday wake up watch tv again....sian ma....too free....lucky got Lee Wee Lee otah and nasi lomak for lunch.....spicy but shiok....eat finish hongjun ask me go swimming, meet at 2.30pm at swimming pool.....then he dont know want to drive a not delay and delay...in the end he decided to walk there....he is only 4 blocks away lucky him.....i had to walk abt 8 blocks but very shiok...it's been a long time i never walk everywhere.......walk here take pic there also take pic.....like tourist...hehe.In the end we only met at 3pm....Then went in and the machine spoil...so they let us in first and pay later.......went in and changed...then we chatted while inside all the way...only till we started stretching then stop......time to trim some hairs...lol...i dont understand why need to warm up....cos i never need any.....hehe....then hongjun told me he plans to swim 6 laps only.....i thought 1 by 1 in the end he made me swim with him 1 shot 6 laps....old liao feel a bit out of breathe....after that we ended soaking water and chatting in the sun.....shiok got a bit of tan but today become white again......We stayed there till the sky turned dark after changing we even sat down to eat a bit....i had coke, fishballs and chicken seaweed while he had barley, fries and fishball....Then he wanted to buy toto...so we went next door to Hougang Stadium to buy it...no queue so it's very fast.but then Serene called and also wanted to buy so we queue round 2.....lol.....They talked and talked abt last night's program....in the end decided to go KTV at Serangoon Garden....good le.....then me and hongjun walked to his home to pick up his car to send me house......good life me....sit inside open sunroof and take pic.....reach home abt 5plus...thanks for the ride if not must walk again...lol.....lucky Arissa they all at home to disturb me if not die liao sure keep thinking abt her.....guess last night her bf came to stay over again...lol.....but then not my business......at frist planned to meet at 8 and i go over to pick him and Serene up but in the end drag to 8.30pm.....then changed plan again......i went over to eat prawn mee at his house.....his mother is a good cook...every yr at least go eat once.......shiok shiok
drag till 9pm then we went out...suppose to meet eric also but he was at gf's house only free after 11 so too bad.....Serene wanted to sing and we planned to drink so i suppose a pub at serangoon garden.....lucky reach there not much people......got 2 chio bu working there somemore.....1 called Joyce the other Sophine......pretty pretty.....serene only drink soft drink so in the end only hongjun and me drunk...but think he also never drink much....hehe.....only the gals working there drink with me if not sure sian till die....lol......after that send them home and come home....well at least i am letting go slowly......no matter how painful also will have to do it......hope i will be full of activities like this everyday.....time moves faster.....later dont know want to go ginny's home a not...if i use Sportage there is a chance i will see her cos both OPC.....hai......think i will go the longer route to go there....only at the junction got chance to meet only.....super mini chance liao....
Maybe tonight go fishing with zaidy......think i will go...can spend time faster.....so now must find things to do till 7 to 8pm liao....later go down buy smokes then eat then waste time till 3plus i think then go ginny there like that time pass faster......

13th Post 16 Feb 2008

I really dont feel like blogging now much...i miss her too much...she online now again now at 12.56am but straight away offline....really driving me siao.....i am happy to see her online but at the same time it kills and hurts me so much.....why cant i let go, why cant i move on........but at least i know she is happy that is the most important to me now.knowing that she is happy and safe.but dont know what made her depress...she doesnt deserve it....i rather i bear all her pain and suffering than let her go through all these......she deserves better.......i may not be her bf but she will always be in my heart.....so early reach home she must be very tired poor thing.....hope she sleeps more today as tmr she dont have to work....i am a fool......i'm weak.....i cant let her go.....and the tears keep flowing.......stupid charles

12th Post 15 Feb 2008

Heaven is really sick or really likes to torment me.She's on line again now......maybe it's her bro's pc......and she logged in last night through there.... All these time i have been wanting to know how was she and etc and wanting to see her on msn......but now it comes......somehow it hurts more than it should.....what a bad thing to start a day with...hope it will get better.....

11th Post 15 Feb 2008

Joke of the day...she just log on in msn..guess she blocked me on her company pc but forget to block me on her own pc.....killer sia....F*king painful.....like an arrow through the heart....than she either blocked me insteadly or went offline......
As in sometimes seeing her is not enough.....now this happens.....heaven really likes to toy with me and my feelings.....what a wonderful night for me...... tears seems to be flowing like a tap.....

10th Post 15 Feb 2008

Another day has passed.....but the pain is still the same....i thank my da jie and yati for calling and checking up on me,they are worried that i might go depress and sad again...thankfully today wasnt so bad.
It started bad....same shit wake up and think of her......shitty me.....lucky after a while Eric called and asked me want to go delivery.....went to send things to 2 places...one at AMK Techplace 2 and at Tuas......on the way da jie called to check on me...she was worried cos i told her that i was affected by the songs they say and i might cry again.......i did but not cry only tears.....after that was abt 4plus already and i was thinking she only has abt an hour plus till off work..... then we met some suppliers at Tradehub 21 and started to chat....That was the life saver.....i was engross in listening to their views and experiences then at 6plus Yati called to check on me also.......honestly i'm touched by them.....despite them having their own pains they bothered to check on me.....If not for them i might not have started to cheer up at all....I must have did something right in this life to earn these care and concern, at least i know i am still on the right path of treating people.If you bother to help and care, you will receive it when you need it too.After the supplier session we went to one of the showroom to talk to a friend there.....a short chat but fun.....then it was 8plus and time to go home.....she should be driving to meet her bf now....lucky guy.....hope he never upsets her cos i will be very pissed with him and upset for her.
Even now at 2.12am i am still worried and thinking of her.dont know if she is home safely yet or cold still the weather is cold now or is she tired cos she cant drive too long due to fatique that's why i will always drive her around even through i havent been driving around SG the whole day....i rather i am tired than seeing her tired.Most of the time i am so tired that all i can do is sit on my bed and rest but she doesnt take it that way....
Who doesnt feel tired, sometimes we are so tired that we dont even feel like talking......all i need is to have her sit by my side and that makes my day cheerful and wonderful even through my whole day was like shit.It too bad for me that she doesnt understands that.....sucks for me....
Maybe i should have been more vocal....all the time when she does something wrong i will just get angry at myself and keep quiet to cool down.....There was a day i met rayson and his gf at bishan for a movie, she was at work but said will meet us there to catch the movie....so i went to buy a softtoy dog to surprise her....when i went to buy it the auntie asked me if i wanted a carrier...i told her no need i am not ashamed of carrying it around cos it is a gift for my gf....she called and say she was going to be late so we went in first....i placed the dog on her seat while we watched the movie.....i wanted to surprise her so that when she came in she will see it.then she reach and i went out to bring her in.She was surprised, and the look on her face was priceless to me.....it filled my heart with happiness....but then after that was the heart breaker.....she puts on her blog that she thinks that i bought the dog cos i did something wrong.....killer.....
I have to ask...is it only on special days that we buy gifts for each other? Why is it that only on V day we must to give gifts and flowers......isnt everyday V day to us if we are happy together....
I dont ask for much...every moment, every sec, every min with her makes my day through i am dead tired to even smile happily....I had never scolded her or lied to her i could never do it cos it will kill me to do that to her.These days i wonder how is her finance doing...she had to do 2 jobs to help her family...but now due to her bf she is only doing one.....hope that the bf is helping her out with that....silly me thinking so much when it is all over.but this is my character something i could never change even if i wanted too.I know even if i move on and get married if a day comes and she says she needs help i will be there and i know my future wife will understand cos if she doesnt than she wont be my wife.
Understanding and trust and honesty....these are the 3 things that are important in a relationship.....hope she learns it.Think i should stop here.....if not i might not be able to sleep again......pathetic charles talking abt how poor thing he is and how sad he is etc etc etc.....NO this is just a place for me to release my stress and emotionals.....I dont expect people to pity me or scold her or blame anyone and all the shit....If anyone wants to insult or hurt her they will have to go through me and yes i will not step down easily.There is a side of me that even i am afraid of.....I told her before that if she comes back i only need 4 words from her to forget everything.I will keep this promise i made till i get married......Full of shit charles....yes yes i am...but that is me.....everyone can just accept or reject it i dont care. But knowing her well i dont think it will happen.Silly hopes only........Yes Jody i know you are correct.
John Q is a great movie.......sad but touching......received another Red Bomb again.....wedding dinner on 16 March.....shit 15 March must be xiong di and 16 is wedding dinner...... xiong......

9th Post 14 Feb 2008

Sorry ah first time upload set pic at too many pixels....lesson learnt...set to 400 width can liao....
K back to the story telling......So we drove back to customs.....kelvin drove on first and say to meet on the PIE.....so we went to pump at caltex.....after we were done we went to customs....as we filter in we saw kelvin on the far right.....after we cleared JB and SG customs we found that kelvin was still behind us....lol.....so in the end we were the one to wait for him on PIE.
Finally we met and off we went,it was decided on the way that we should park at Far East and walked to Wisma.It was weird.....normally on weekdays we are all working and at around 4pm somemore.....felt like back to poly days...shiok le.....even sat on the stairs of taka while i was smoking.....Off we went to Lee hwa, gold heart and dont know what name...hehe....his friend called Max was working there so we went there to see see look look.....As they look through the designs and band all i was thinking was...hao xin fu.....too bad i couldnt do the same......first time see hongjun so engross in things other than studying......Spend almost an hour plus there trying looking and thinking what Serene will like.....xin fu sia..... after that they decided to go paragon's coffee bean to chill while waiting for time to pick up their wife and gf.......so i also follow along lor.....sit there also not better got pretty gals to see....but sad to say not much feeling at all.....even saw a lotus elise.....yellow with black strips......was there for 40mins then came the time to walk back and drive off.......along the way back even met their friend yong peng.....After that we parted and hongjun and me went to pick up Serene at CBD area....lucky not i drive jam here and there than sian......we reach and had to wait for Serene abt 5mins...then i saw a lady walked down and stared at the start of the road....so i guess hongjun is it her....well well it was she didnt expect hongjun to reach early...lol....sad sia...lol...i was laughing all the way...Then it was time to send me back...while in the car they were da qin mah qiu....make me sad and happy and jealous....guess my fate havent come yet....somemore jam till siao so very slow and bored.....after a long time then reach home....but i'm happy for them....so xin fu.....xin fu xiao liang kou......
After reach home i faster go bath and changed and chiong to auntie's place at Geylang bahru....Gave my family a surprise cos i actually told them i wont be going......and yes i drove Sportage to go and YES i drove to drink also......
At Geylang all i drank was ice lemon tea..after 2 packs we ate but then my uncle keep pushing me to drink tiger....my sis keep saying he must drive and etc but in the end still drunk 1 can...lol.....then around 9 i had to leave liao.....while wearing my shoes my niece and nephew said goodbye then my sister ask them to say..... dont drink so much....smart sis...lol........off i went to bugis to meet my da jie and Tempur staffs and simon......go there start singing and listening and talking.....quite fun but the songs they sing made me sad.....depressing actually......i think i drank most of the beer there...lol......simon was high early....lol.....then came the big cannon martell......
all i did was say sorry i dont want to mix cos i need to drive...mixed liao high very fast........drink till 1 plus than all start to leave liao.....i was with willy they all the last group to leave.....funny till liao still no kick at all just slightly sad and depress...so the radio was loud all the way from bugis to serangoon road to my MSCP.....walked home depress and faster shower than sleep.......all the way thinking abt her...silly silly me......even when i woke up today she was in my thoughts.....i go watch bleach later then blog again.....dont think she watches bleach, naruto or one piece anymore....but none of my business anymore...lol......facts are facts

8th Post 14 Feb 2008

Quite a fun day yesterday i think, mood still not that good......10plus was on the way to JB liao....Somemore i dont have to drive....more shiok....really long time like 1yr plus never go JB....no need white card i also dont know.toll fee is now $2.90 rm.then we were in.....but we had to stop by the road side first for hongjun to report strength........lol....we decided to eat bak ku teh at shun fan.....sad to say hongjun bring me go holan a bit...hehe....finally reach there 11plus and had to wait for the food.....2 starving guys staring at people eating.......sian le...then finally saw JB police catch summons....1st time see their parking coupon...it took 15mins for the food to come...the place was packed hor but i dont understand why cos i find the food so so.We had bak ku teh, salted vegs, you tail(dont know how to spell) and pig trollers......super full when we finish......Then we went to meet his friend Kelvin......he wanted to fix some gadgets on his accord so we went rounding to look for workshops....the first one got do but the chief was not in....the next TRC....never open till 15 Feb....then a third one but that one had to wait 2hrs for the chief to be free....so it was decided Not Doing Today....lol......
We decided to go pump petrol and wash car at a new place to me..... Shell near the cargo customs.Super good washing and cleaning and still at 8 rm......cheap sia......
We sat there chatting while the cars were being cleaned.....even when the cars were done we still sat there chatting...it was shady and cooling.....think we were there for an hour chatting....Guess who i saw there Fazai....yes mr cat.... in his 707.......he gained a lot of weight sia......
While chatting they started to talk abt wedding bands........not cheap hor....a wedding band can cost up to a 1 to 2 thousands.....depending on the diamonds and shape and etc..... then it was decided that let go see wedding bands.....calls were made and off to Wisma we went.....
I upload some pics first then carry on blogging the later part.

7th Post 14 Feb 2008

For now all i want to say is i miss her so much that dying seems like nothing to me.....it is really painful and killing me just to let go.....if i had to give up everything for her i would.....i really love her with my heart and soul.I know i should move on but letting her go is really killing me......it hurts so much i really dont know how much more i can take........

6th Post 13 Feb 2008

As i laid in bed she appeared in my thoughts again.....somehow all i feel is distrust and pain....
when we met the last time we went bugis....i was sick for the first time in more than 2 yrs,I told her she was my morale strength and she was the one who pushed me on in my work.....when she left i really fell sick.....that's not the worst....we went out and she thought that i was lying abt it....even through we went to cold storage to get sushi, i was shaking due to the cold while in my jacket.....cant believe she thinks that way abt me after being together for 1.5yrs....no trust at all in me.....in the end she told me that the sushi was for me i was touched......but i still didnt eat it....i went without food for 3 days.....totally no appetite at all......i felt weak but still carried on working as normal....guess the weakiness is nothing compare to losing her.....i read abt this in her friendster 2wks back.....she told her bf about us meeting and how i kissed and cried on her shoulder.....she said that she was afraid i might threaten her with that.....wtf.....knowing me so long she still didnt trust me at all....i have kept my promises to her and have always been honest with her how come she feels this way.....that really hurts even through we are not together.She told me to move on and didnt think i love her and thought i was acting and also that i had other gfs beside her......oh my god......
I tolder her these..... I want to move on but it's not easy cos i love her with my heart and soul, i had never acted in front of her and was always standing by her side for her and i dont have other gfs....I gave her my housekeys for her to know that i have nothing to hide and she is welcome to come anytime anyday.She even checked my hp secretly when i was sleeping....i knew cos i wasnt asleep at that moment.I dont mind she doing that at least i know she still cares.Althought it's small things i do but i put heart into doing them.......guess what she finds as security is being with the bf 24hrs and not having freedom to do anything.....she says she doesnt understand me but somehow i feel i am the one who really doesnt understands her...it's sad how i put in effort, heart and soul into this failed relationship but she couldnt feel anything and decided to shut her heart.
That's why i pity her for not understanding herself.....who in this modern society doesnt want some freedom.....at least now i know of one.......too bad i had to be destroyed while finding this out.But if there was a second time i will still choice to love her again against everyone's advice.cos i believe in 2nd chances.If got then say lor is the reality....sad but true.....It sucks......giving everything in a relationship and all you get is hurt, hurt and more hurt.....really shattered....

5th Post 13 Feb 2008

Long time never walk down after midnight to buy smokes.....felt so calming.....escape from the noisy daily life of SG...Somehow i felt peaceful.....haha......must be numb already after reading her blog.....see how when i wake up tmr..... hope no dreams...... my dreams can drive me mad..... it did once and made me regret losing Ginnie..... scare of dreaming.....
Well but i am looking forward to tmr..... should be an interesting day.... Morning go JB with hongjun till dont know what time....have to be home for Lunar 7th dinner....then at 10 it's KTV session with my dajie and Tempur people @ bugis .......dont know want to get high or get drunk....hope no hard liquor this time only beer......but confirm is no driving.......too dangerous liao.
There are times when i do things i will miss her being by my side...but then the facts hit hard.....ouch and boy it hurts bad.......
To kill my free time i watch movies and started to blog.....
I love watching american lame movies....damn funny and full of america jokes...too bad i dont have much kakis that understand the jokes like me.....just saw one also..... Meet The Spartans.....super funny and lame.....but damn nice and interesting......not easy to film a lame movie that needs to add in scripts from original movies......some more must funny..... super hard....guess SGporeans are not too open to american culture yet cos most dont understand the jokes or cant catch what the ang mos are talking abt.....funny but true.....dont believe....easy way to test out...just go find rap songs like 2Pac and listen see if you can hear what they rap....you will be amazed.
I was watching tv just now .....channel 8 @ 9pm then my fav CSI @ 10.....interesting show....indepth and stunning.....makes my mind turn abt facts. then @ 11.30 was Grey's Anatomy....It's interesting as it talks abt facts in life in a drama show....There was a scene that made me tear as it was great and also brings out my memories......It was the part when the chief 's wife lose her baby but the chief did not know till she told him.....the scene was so touching and sweet......dont know can find anyone who share the same interest in these shows like me.....Too ang mo pai liao.....
suddenly she comes in my mind again....haha.....she should be almost home from her bf's place soon......really understanding her too much kills me....i can even tell what time she should be doing what and when she will do it.....shit to me.......Knowing too much for my own good.....
but at least she is happy although it is built on my suffering but that's love.....hoping that she gets the best even through she is no longer there for you......
Some people asked me what is love before and i told them this.....
Love is accepting a person for who she/he is, forgiving them for anything they did and trust them in anything they do.....
There is no such thing as true love.....a relationship needs work to keep it together and closer, too bad she doesnt understand this pt.......lol

V day coming again....lucky i'm used to loneliness......think i should be fine on that day......
I can remember my worst lonely day.....It was on my birthday.....alone and cold and raining @ home with nothing to watch and no one to keep me company if i went out......that was the worst..... really guess i have too little friends......
Just discovered that i only travelled overseas twice during 2007 both business trips to china.Long time never go JB.....a bit like mountain turtle....lol.....but i still dont like to travel.....I always told my parents this.....There are so many roads in SG that i have not travel in SG why go overseas.....Now that i have travelled so many roads in SG guess it's time i start travelling.......But no forests for me....too many of that in army liao.....sort of miss the pacific ocean i saw at taiwan....the coffee powder like sand and the strong sea wind.....shiok.....smoking there even better super fast finish....almost time to zzzz....dont know what i will blog tmr...but who cares...dont even know got people will read these...lol.....lucky i still have friends that care

4th Post 12 Feb 2008

Someone asked me out today.....a friend from sec.......yes a gal....i used to like her a lot and we kissed once....but somehow the feeling changed the more i got to know her.
She gives me a weird feeling....as through she has things to hide and somehow i feel like a carrot.....yes carrot.....tried to talk to her abt that but got negative reply......makes me feel that some females cant be trusted much or maybe it's me....attracted to weird people....... but that was the past......still feels so empty no matter where or who i go out with.....
Even when i gave Yati a hug to cheer her up i felt so empty but i am glad to know that the hug helped her a lot.....dont worry gal i am always here for you when you are in need...since pri 4 till now le...long long time friend....only female good friend...lol..... think my social circle of gals have become super small.....dont know myself anymore.....no more mood to know gals no mood to go out and chiong or have fun..... maybe it's due to me being empty.......
managed to find 2 activities to spend time on.....mahjong and prawning.....
long time never play mahjong only touch it during this CNY......
Prawning or better known at fishing for prawns.......can distract my mind better and it is quite a good environment to unwind.....while typing these she pops into my mind again.....sad sia....
There was one thing i had been planning to bring her there to do...the new ferris wheel .....now her new bf can bring her there liao..... cant believe i wanted to propose to her on her birthday......silly me.......she make me fall into the fairytale and she destroyed it and left me struck in it........guess i am still weak in the love side of life.......but one thing i learnt is to never use hate to overcome it..... cos i cant control my rage and hate when it overwhelms me.....i havent lose my rage and anger for a long time.....anger is almost 10yrs.... rage is almost 5yrs.....
Tame Charles........lol......changed a lot during my sec days till now....life and environment and stress has made me mature too much beyond my age...... my customers and suppliers think that i aam 30 and above......i got so old meh........old liao.....heart also weak le....cannot take heart breaks.....talking abt heartbreaks....i know someone who is more daring and can take it more than me....Yati....
She chose to walk a path where i dare not.She knew her relationship wont work out but she still chose to walk it.....that i dont dare......brave and strong......i could see her tears as we talked abt it at Mac......seeing her eyes i could find her pain and understand what she is going throught...That was why i never started a relationship with her since last time....i rather not try it cos i treasure her too much as a friend.I know i can count on her if i need advice and a hug........hug only nothing else.......a hug can cure a heartache better than a thousand words.i miss hugging her.....what am i thinking again.....stupid.........

3rd Post 12 Feb 2008

Please dont bad mouth her or stop being her friends cos it hurts me to hear bad things abt her.....
Her boss said this before..... she was worried abt me being her bf cos of same age.....she feels i might not be mature enough....guess she was wrong...i'm the mature one....
sometimes i hate to be so mature....stressful and not much friends cos all have diff in thinking....no wonder most of my friends are in their 30s and above..... Chester is right....i have old man thinking.....There was once i told her i was jealous cos she had people drive her around in his toyota rush and she took pics of her in biniki.....but she told me this and it melted me..... You should be happy dear cos you have me and they dont.....I almost teared when i heard that....That was how much she meant to me....
At 26 making my career....i have no car, no career yet and yes no money........not poor la but no money....VISA....dont have also...time is also limited....
But the free time i have i spent it while......
With my family, my suppliers ,and when i went out with my buddies i will make sure to ask her if she wants to come along, and with her......i can still remember the first thing i gave her was a XUE word.She was so sweet but hurted at that time.....
I did ask her to wait and told her i wanted to marry at age 28....too bad she cant wait.Now i'm more free and have more money......9 plus go work 3 or 4pm can go home liao but she is no more by my side.
She told me one thing when she ditched me....she was to play.....
how come like that.....i started to change myself so that i can settle down with her but she told me she wants to play.....Life makes fun of me again.......
Things i never told.....
i used to get high and anyhow sms people i miss them....but no more
i used to work till super late but then i tried to rush home at 9 to see her online or talk to her so that i know she is safe and ok.
i read her blog to know more abt how was her day and how tired she was.
There was once we chatted and she told me that she didnt like people to call her when she worked......then i stopped calling her during that......cos i dont want to interrupt her work...guess i was stupid to have stopped....
Till now she wonders why i always sleep after she falls asleep.....let me tell you why....cos every times i like to see how sweet you sleep and i can know how was your day and how tired you are.but that also hurted my heart cos i am your bf but i cant do anything to help you.i have my own insecurity too.when you went out to chiong i would wait till you reach home then sleep....yes i am very tired but that's the least i can do cos i worry abt you.

All these worries are nothing now....you are gone....dont think you will read these anyway....all for myself to release my worries and thoughts.
I think you for loving me once and teaching me so much things gal.I love your touch and your back massages.You are the world to me and will always have a part in my heart and i never regretted loving you.
I only have 2 regrets in life for now but you are not.You know what they are.
The first i can tell eveyone.... is Ginnie Chin....i regretted not treasuring her but she is great now and i'm happy
The Second only a few people knows and it kills me everytime i think abt it cos i am the one who did it.
April and Michael's wedding is coming have to be xiong di but without on that day....dont know to be happy or sad on that day...guess i have to wear a super thick mask on that day again.......my sorrows should be kept to myself.I have lose all confidence in myself.i used to be very confidence but it was lost part by part throught these 7 failed relationship.
I dont think i can trust females for now.....i wonder who can open my heart and gain my trust after how you have hurted me.
You know how hard it is to open my heart but you sure know how to destroy it.Everytime i pass by certain places i think of you and feel hurt.....there are places i avoid now also.....near your place, SK clinic, bugis, compassvale.....The worst thing is that i have to delivery at those places and i together go siao.....almost everyone will know but you.....so painful.....

2nd Post 12 Feb 2008

Had another dream of her again.....confirm siao one..... had so many dreams of her these pass 2 mths.....maybe it's my heart learning to let go or my mind going insane from losing her......
I still forgave her for 2 timing me and ditching me.....and yes if she comes back i will still give her a 2nd chance...i know everyone says i should not and i am stupid for doing this but will i believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance.
But i know she is happy now and that is enough..... nothing i can do to change it.No matter how hurt i get or what i do or how worried i am it will never change the facts.I still dont understand how my caring and understanding seems to her that i dont care abt her anymore.....In the end i feel that she is the one who is not understanding......
Well...she has a better bf now......he can give her what i cant...he can spend on her which i cant.....so does it shows that SG is a money place or people here are too materialistic??
She is the angel in everyone's eyes but i know better....
She ditched me on 8th Dec 07 and i met her on 9th Dec 07 only to see a love bite on her neck....She still can tell me she gives me a chance to woo her another even through she has a bf.....wtf...
It's against my character to woo girls that already has a bf....yes corinne i am still that way since sec school.
I dont want to let go but i have to.
Did something stupid just now...i read her 2 blogs..... it hurts but will at least i know she is happy and well......
I thank the people who helped me through these few mths.... my da jie Theresa, Yati my good friend, Jody my sis's friend who cant stand me...lol and my 3 buddies.....
Ok i will try to cut down on drinking fast......i know it doesnt help me but it helps my time pass faster.It stopped 6 weeks for her and now it is moving milli second a day......but at least it's moving.
These few mths so super free and when that happens i keep thinking of her....silly me.....
saw her 2 times these 2 mths.....1 she was in the taxi with bf......2 she was driving with her bf in her car....lol.......heaven likes to make fun of me......tormenting me with these.....But i'm happy and sad cos i can see her but the sad part is she is no longer the gal i know....she changed after going for the modeling job.She still says no but that's a fact she has to face.
She told me she likes to be controlled.....i really dont understand.....i gave her freedom to do what she wants but she thinks i dont care abt her....if i didnt i wouldnt tell her where i go and what i do and when i reach home i will always sms her.....
i think to her, her bf must be with her most of the time....like glue must stick together with her for her to have a sense of security.
I really dont understand....who would want to be controlled and have no freedom in this modern age.....well i guess she doesnt have much friends and activities.....she is more alone then me......but i can understand what cos that....it was her first marriage....poor gal......have to suffer that type of fate....i can never fail him for hurting her that much but i also thank him cos that is the only way i could have met her and love her.
She wanted to settle down when we were together but i say no.....cos i cant confirm if i can settle down my own heart but when i did she changed and started to leave.....life is cruel.......i sort of knew cos her behaviour started to change but i chose to ignore it cos i trusted her.
Even when she went on a business trip and shared a room with her male colleague i trusted her.
No i was jealous and angry at first.....but i thought to myself...have faith and trust in her....i am not a small man and i have to be understanding.....
The second trip she went we had a quarrel......i was angry cos i worried abt her too much...i sms her at 9 to let her know i was walking home but she never reply till 12....what was i to do......
then she flow overseas the next following day and sms me this....
exact quote.... i'm flying soon.i wish ttu will be happy wif me arnd.Do think through what you want when i'm back. Need you to be understanding. Bye...
That night when she was beside me i woke up twice....1st was to cover her with blanket....2nd was she woke up to cover me with blanket....

i sms her a few days later telling her this.....
i am sorry for being angry and i still love you...you are the one i want to settle down with.
when she came back she didnt reply me....only on the 8th than she sms me to say breakup....

Only when i met up with her and read her new blog, old blog and bf's blog then i discovered that she dated the guy for around 2 to 3 mths back....and she was not working on the day she replied me late...she was with him.........she told me she stopped working as modeling for a while liao but she never told me.....all the while i thought she was busy working but she was actually 2 timing behind my back......Silly foolish and stupid me....but i still love her and forgive her....all these things she dare not blog out......The smallest thing she does now hurts and kills me......i know she blocked me on msn....avoids me on KOGS.....the only thing i can know abt her now is her friendster.....yes reading it kills me, it hurts a lot.....think i stop for now....depressing again....