128th Post 21 Feb 12

had a talk with Z today.... it was pain but honest and enlightening

He said if u deeply love her just let her leave and wish her happiness swallowing all the pain and suffering alone.

I was childish......i agree
This has always been a bad point of me.

He says and i also allow that i am struck in the old days, days that i was proud to be a sniper and a guardman and happy days when i first met Crystal.

I havent stepped in the future yet, always talking abt the past.

I should use now as a referrence instead of the past....

So i started to move again..... taking this as a chance to value add myself and to better myself. I need growth in thinking and behaviour.

Thinking before talking, caring for how others feel when i talk. In short shut up and listen than think and talk.

Painful and brutal comments but true and helpful.

I am glad i have this 2 bro in laws who enlighten me in diff ways.

Although it is a bit sad for me now to see that they are happily married but i just lost my wife.

I know blaming myself is not the way nor is blaming others. it takes 2 hands to clap so i know, i did something wrong and so did she.

I will take a bow and step back, allowing her the space she wants to roam the greener pastures.

At first when i wanted to join SQ, the first tot was that i could see crystal, at least knowing if she is happy or sick or well. I know it is childish.

They ask me why SQ, i didnt answer them.
I know more of SQ people than other airlines, so if i need help or advices i can seek their help.
Why cabin crew..... cos in my current age which other job can allow me to earn that much and fill up my CPF within the shortest time......

Doing business can make it, yes i know but i am tired of it. A wild horse once tame becomes domestic....... i dont have the strength or moral support anymore to do it. She took it away with her.

All i want now is a regular paying stable job now so that i can have some savings to buy a home or take care of my parents

I thank them for letting their son do what he wants and trying to shelter him from pain.

I am sorry i let u down with my marriage and thank you for letting me attempt SQ interview coming soon.

My only worry was no one will be around with them to look over them if i successed in joining,
They just say "dont worry boy, do what u need to do".
I was almost touched to tears. I know they worry abt me a lot, from small coughs to sleeping late to even having meals. The worst was that they are afraid i might commit suicide.....
I am sad that at age 30 i have nothing and even lost my wife causing them to worry again for their age.

What a unfilial boy for causing them to worry. i promise u 2 that i will improve and i will try never to let u 2 worry me this way again as i have given up on marriage for now. All i want is to earn more money and let my heart recover for the next few yrs.