124th Post 17 Feb 12

Once again i'm shocked awake by the pain and shock cuased by her.

Didnt tell her that everytime when i hear on news that A380 got problems i will worry abt her.

I will be going against wise advice later in the day, Please forgive me, it's just me.

Letting go is always hard, after all the things we have been through. Loving her blindly till i have lost myself in the process.

I changed my life to suit her and now i have to change it back.

She has had a very troubled life going through divorce, molested, cheated, broken family.
After all this shit one would have through that she would wise up and settle down but it didnt.
From what i know
1 failed marriage before me. kenna molested nude pics.
then into a relationship with me, slept with 3 person behind me.
broke up with me and got injured by AC and MK.
Patched back and got married with me.
After married slept with 2 more
After flying she slept with 4 more behind me.

But i am still silly to still be able to forgive and forget and love u as deeply.
Am i that king of fools???

She really hurts me time and time again deeper and deeper.

If i count back any other guy would have just ask her to go and die....

She actually changed from jan to 13 feb......less than 6 weeks...... it's really scary.
The most scary is from 26 jan to 2 feb when she was overseas.

I have no idea what she told her colleages abt me or even did she tell them she was married?
i'm really lost but i know i have to move on.
I'm disappointed abt relationships now, choosing to just shut down my heart.

Can u imagine she got roses from other people delivered to her house on V day.

A married woman........ she still can do all this.
I dont know whether the other guys know if she is married or not and i'm pretty sure she never wears our wedding ring.

Had a small chat with her friends just now, even they were shocked abt what had happened and didnt expect her to be like that.

They could even tell and know how deeply i love her and how shocking for the turns in events.

Dear even through u dont want me anymore i will still by here loving u and worrying abt u.

I hope that u wont cant hurt and will finally find true happiness to settle ur injured heart.

All i can do now is just hide in a corner and weep.

I am pathetic......I know i will move on but how long do i need is the problem.
I'm letting her clear her stuffs slowly trying to still save our marriage but knowing her it's impossible now.

Even if it was a lie last time to test me saying she has a bf, now it will become true cos she just wants to get rid of me.

I really dont know what i did wrong to cause this, but everyone says i didnt do anything wrong at all.
Than why did this happened? Why can i have a normal marriage like everyone else. Why do i have to suffer so much more for her.

It's time i move on even if i have to drag myself.The world still rotates.

Thanks for letting me love u so blindly and deeply. U are the who changed me and thought me how to truely love. But u are also the one who destroyed me totally.

I will still be here giving u moral strength like always if u need it.

In our relationship i have NEVER NEVER lied to you that is the truth but u did.

For better or for worst till death do us part......... i believe in it but seems like u dont.
Goodbye and take care and try to settle down ur true heart if not u will be hurting urself again

Sorry for not being able to save u from that.
At least i really did my part as a husband loving u truely and deeply.

Now just please let me just ur good friend that way it will be easier for me to leave. I will it is a selfish wish but please let me have it