The thought of u is really getting to me.
Everytime i open my eyes i hope i see u next to me. Everytime i reach home i wished u were there. Everytime i check m hp i wished it was u.
I am really losing it.
U have always hurt me unknowingly..... u have always know what buttons to push to move me.
These 6 yrs have been the most painful and yet most happy moments of my life.
Loving u was all i could think of, worrying abt u was part of my day, watching u sleep soundly was my daily night activity. I have really degenerated.
I am no longer the cheerful and fun Charles, now all i am is lost and depress most of the time.
Always everything seems pointless to me, the only thing holding me up now is my family and friends. My main pillar is now gone, along with it is my happiness and love and hope.
I used to smile brightly whenever i talk abt my wife but now whenever anyone ask me abt u, all there is is only tears.
I miss u
I hate waking up everyday, i hate every passing moment. As i type these tears are growing.
If i had a choice i would still love u in the afterlife going through all the pain again.
Maybe i own u in the past life that's why i can once and again go against everyone's advice.
Loving u blindly.....
I know i am lying to myself everyday, trying to trick my heart to let go but it is not working.
Remember u say if we were to die u wanted me to die first cos u know that i couldnt live without u. That is true......... if i was alone with no family, i would have left this world. I cant live with this pain and pretend i am fine.
I have never been able to let go easily and that is the part of me that u used to love. The stubborn me who loves u regardless of what u do. The fool who will always standby u no matter what happen. The husband who can forgive and forget whatever immoral things that happened.
I know i am a fool to others but that is me. The one who loves u so deep and honestly that i can go against the world for u.
I will even go against my parents wishes if u decided to come back, and that is something no one else has managed to make me do.
It's nights like this that hurts me the most. We used to laze on the bed enjoying each other's company. Me proning and watching TV while u and bibi were lying on my back reading books.
We used to enjoy just all the simple things and really enjoyed ourselves. Laughing together while watching tv and hugging each other while watching ur fav thai movies.
Why am i thinking of all this...... why am i crying again.
U always hurt me deeply when u ditch me for another, the trust we had built for years suddenly disappear and u make me feel that i am trying to lie to u, everything i say are lies. It's not the first time.
Not the first time u betrayed me, not the first time u lied to me, not the first than u ditc me for another.
It is not my first time loving u, not the first time hurt deeply by u and it will still not be the first time i forgive u. That is my love for u.
I can take the whole world's blame and scoldng but i can never let even 1 person do that to u.
I know u wont come back after reading all these. That is u.
The song bei pan by yang zhong wei best explains my heart.
Let go of ur hand without asking a thing and say goodbye, take it as my last act of stubborn love.
Let me tell u what u said that hate me the most 2 days back when u msg me.
It was the part that u will tell ur bf everything and show him the msg disspite me advicing u not too.
That hurts like a knife cutting through my heart.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
130th Post 21 Feb 12
another day has pass since she left.... the pain is still as painful just that i am slowly getting numb... I'm starting to eat again and finally hit the 5hr of sleep mark.
I am glad i have true friends that i can be honest to and can tell them anything. Knowing that they will always be there for me in times of need.
Thinking abt it dear u dont have any...... so far u dont have any true friend whom u dont need to hide the truth from. Then let me be the first, standing by u anytime anywhere to lend u my ears and shoulders if u need. Dont keep everything inside it is bad for ur mental health.
Isnt it tiring........ Maybe that is why u are having problems. U have no one to trust and rely on and who can give u advices and listen to u. Even i also need it sometimes if not i wont have gone crazy a long time ago.
I thank them and if eevery they need my help i will be the first to step forward. These are my true friends, even through what they say may not be what u want to hear but u know they only want what is best for u and are truely there to help.
I hope u find one soon, it will help a lot. A person who u can truely relax, releasing ur pretendious layer and talk heart to heart with.
No need to hide behind a mask and act tough or pretend to otherwise, that is what i have done
My 3 poly buddies who i can rely on and will always be the first to be there for me. Even if i get scolded by them , i cant get angry. I know they mean well and are trying to help me.
I noticed u removed all our pics from ur FB a few mths back but i kept quiet. U changed my status to married but hid urs..... When will u be able to be trueful to urself and others?????
I say everything out in my blog as a form of release. But that is not what u are doing.
FB hide stuffs.....blog hide problems and stuffs....... how can u relax?
U dont even have proper guidance and support from ur family. Ur mother is like a child, ur father doesnt care much. Bro and sis are busy wih their own lifes.
I know u worry abt ur mum a lot and need to support the house.
I have always thought that whenever u go out for a whole day it is to go out with ur mum but now i know i was wrong.
I have never tried to control u wanting u to be indepenance, letting u do whatever u want and never 2nd guessing u at all. I have trust in u but in the end it was betrayed again and again and again.
Hai..... life has never been easy for u i know but why do u want to hurt the one person who truely care abt and love u???
I know that when angela suggested that we go out to party or prawning together u felt awkard......... u say u cant face me even in the future but cant tell me any reason.....
I help u to answer.... u know u hurted me badly, u are guilty u toyed with my feelings and trust again and u know what i say is correct yet u still choice to do otherwise.
I know u better than anyone even more than ur family and maybe even urself.
Loving u was a long, hard and terrible road but if i had the chance i would go through it again and again.
I am glad i have true friends that i can be honest to and can tell them anything. Knowing that they will always be there for me in times of need.
Thinking abt it dear u dont have any...... so far u dont have any true friend whom u dont need to hide the truth from. Then let me be the first, standing by u anytime anywhere to lend u my ears and shoulders if u need. Dont keep everything inside it is bad for ur mental health.
Isnt it tiring........ Maybe that is why u are having problems. U have no one to trust and rely on and who can give u advices and listen to u. Even i also need it sometimes if not i wont have gone crazy a long time ago.
I thank them and if eevery they need my help i will be the first to step forward. These are my true friends, even through what they say may not be what u want to hear but u know they only want what is best for u and are truely there to help.
I hope u find one soon, it will help a lot. A person who u can truely relax, releasing ur pretendious layer and talk heart to heart with.
No need to hide behind a mask and act tough or pretend to otherwise, that is what i have done
My 3 poly buddies who i can rely on and will always be the first to be there for me. Even if i get scolded by them , i cant get angry. I know they mean well and are trying to help me.
I noticed u removed all our pics from ur FB a few mths back but i kept quiet. U changed my status to married but hid urs..... When will u be able to be trueful to urself and others?????
I say everything out in my blog as a form of release. But that is not what u are doing.
FB hide stuffs.....blog hide problems and stuffs....... how can u relax?
U dont even have proper guidance and support from ur family. Ur mother is like a child, ur father doesnt care much. Bro and sis are busy wih their own lifes.
I know u worry abt ur mum a lot and need to support the house.
I have always thought that whenever u go out for a whole day it is to go out with ur mum but now i know i was wrong.
I have never tried to control u wanting u to be indepenance, letting u do whatever u want and never 2nd guessing u at all. I have trust in u but in the end it was betrayed again and again and again.
Hai..... life has never been easy for u i know but why do u want to hurt the one person who truely care abt and love u???
I know that when angela suggested that we go out to party or prawning together u felt awkard......... u say u cant face me even in the future but cant tell me any reason.....
I help u to answer.... u know u hurted me badly, u are guilty u toyed with my feelings and trust again and u know what i say is correct yet u still choice to do otherwise.
I know u better than anyone even more than ur family and maybe even urself.
Loving u was a long, hard and terrible road but if i had the chance i would go through it again and again.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
129th Post 21 Feb 12
We often get hurt the most by people whom we love most.
We often dont cherish things until we lost them
To be love is easier than loving someone.
We had breakfast today with her mum.... it was nice to see her although it will be the last.... i was happy she smiled although i know it was not meant for me. It was enough to cheer me up.
she and her mum cleared 2 car loads of stuffs from our room........ after so many years of living with her, my room is finally empty, so empty that it scares me..... i cant see her blanket, her clothes, her stuff...... i feel so empty now. The only thing that is still here is her organ and the pic we took at my sis's wedding..... really really miss her...... The emptiness is unbearable.
It took her yrs to fill it up but only 1 day to clear it all.
It's a day filled with happiness and sadness...i'm shattered again.
We met one of her friends and i was introduced as a friend and she told her friend she had a french bf.... It was like a stab in the heart.... We havent even file the divorce.
She told me she didnt wrote married on her status when she joined SQ and only her batchies knew me. Another blow........ So her whole world thinks diff of her.... those who know thinks i am the one who did her wrong, i am the scapegoat.
She tried to anull the marriage but i guess she cant and now she is trying for deed of separation....
I found out to divorce u needed to be married 3 yrs min.
Why did she want to divorce so fast i didnt ask, i guess maybe the bf told her too?
The crystal i know falls in love fast and ignores everything for the first 3 months..... after that puppy love period the problems will arise and so far she normally doesnt try to fix it much and leaves.
I think when she married me she was thinking , hey i'm not pretty since someone wants me why not.
Now that she is pretty and has a prestious job she is being wooed by lots and wants to leave me stating she doesnt love me anymore. Was it planned or what ???
The one who truely loves her is here but she doesnt cherish him and she destroys him in the fastest way. To be love is bless and to love someone is painful.
no quarrels no signs of anything and next...... i want a divorce....there wasnt even a talk.
I am not trying to sound pitiful or anything. This blog is just for me to spill my guts and thoughts.
Even now the main worry i have is that she might get hurt again. I have been hurt by her many times in the same way so i know i can handle it but for her i cant bear to know she is sad or hurt.
She told me her current bf was hurt by my ex last time and got a rebound gf.now the rebound doesnt want to give him a easy life. That states a lot abt him, he went to see a shrink after the first.
No gal wont want revenge unless what he did was unforgivable.
Any normal person had to see a shrink after going through so much pain of losing their gf will NEVER want another person to go through the pain they did. That is a fact.
So now he has reverse his role, instead of the victim he is now the villian.
He does know she was married and yet he still did this.
Dear u did this to me and he could do the same to u. What comes around goes around.
He managed to get a Prized SQ gal who so happened to be married..... what makes u think he will not try for another who is single and younger......can u guarante he wont.
Any proper gentleman will not woo 3 type of gals.
1. married
2.friends' wife
3.knowing the gal is having normal problems with their bf
This is the untold code of the gentleman.
In chinese we always say ... quan(4) hao bu quan(4) li
always try to help the couple get together and not ask them to separate.
In our yrs of being together i have always been honest, faithful and true to u regardless of what wrong u did, i have always forgive and forget.
I accepted who u are and love u but u didnt do the same. U were always looking higher, aiming for better. U are never satify with what u have obtain.
U know what i say is always honest and true, that's why u know i am right.
Reality is cruel i learnt that from u. If he really is a good person i wouldnt bother stopping u.
Dear u really need to grow in the proper direction.
After getting hurt in terms of emotion,money or physical so many times, u are still going in the same direction, shouldnt u change it.
U have hurt me emotionally so many times and in the end i still remain true and by ur side, sheltering u from anything. I guess i was the one who spoiled u, always letting u have ur way, giving in to u and doing what u want me to do.
I have said too much again.... i am too emotional again. I am still hurting..........I am just human
We often dont cherish things until we lost them
To be love is easier than loving someone.
We had breakfast today with her mum.... it was nice to see her although it will be the last.... i was happy she smiled although i know it was not meant for me. It was enough to cheer me up.
she and her mum cleared 2 car loads of stuffs from our room........ after so many years of living with her, my room is finally empty, so empty that it scares me..... i cant see her blanket, her clothes, her stuff...... i feel so empty now. The only thing that is still here is her organ and the pic we took at my sis's wedding..... really really miss her...... The emptiness is unbearable.
It took her yrs to fill it up but only 1 day to clear it all.
It's a day filled with happiness and sadness...i'm shattered again.
We met one of her friends and i was introduced as a friend and she told her friend she had a french bf.... It was like a stab in the heart.... We havent even file the divorce.
She told me she didnt wrote married on her status when she joined SQ and only her batchies knew me. Another blow........ So her whole world thinks diff of her.... those who know thinks i am the one who did her wrong, i am the scapegoat.
She tried to anull the marriage but i guess she cant and now she is trying for deed of separation....
I found out to divorce u needed to be married 3 yrs min.
Why did she want to divorce so fast i didnt ask, i guess maybe the bf told her too?
The crystal i know falls in love fast and ignores everything for the first 3 months..... after that puppy love period the problems will arise and so far she normally doesnt try to fix it much and leaves.
I think when she married me she was thinking , hey i'm not pretty since someone wants me why not.
Now that she is pretty and has a prestious job she is being wooed by lots and wants to leave me stating she doesnt love me anymore. Was it planned or what ???
The one who truely loves her is here but she doesnt cherish him and she destroys him in the fastest way. To be love is bless and to love someone is painful.
no quarrels no signs of anything and next...... i want a divorce....there wasnt even a talk.
I am not trying to sound pitiful or anything. This blog is just for me to spill my guts and thoughts.
Even now the main worry i have is that she might get hurt again. I have been hurt by her many times in the same way so i know i can handle it but for her i cant bear to know she is sad or hurt.
She told me her current bf was hurt by my ex last time and got a rebound gf.now the rebound doesnt want to give him a easy life. That states a lot abt him, he went to see a shrink after the first.
No gal wont want revenge unless what he did was unforgivable.
Any normal person had to see a shrink after going through so much pain of losing their gf will NEVER want another person to go through the pain they did. That is a fact.
So now he has reverse his role, instead of the victim he is now the villian.
He does know she was married and yet he still did this.
Dear u did this to me and he could do the same to u. What comes around goes around.
He managed to get a Prized SQ gal who so happened to be married..... what makes u think he will not try for another who is single and younger......can u guarante he wont.
Any proper gentleman will not woo 3 type of gals.
1. married
2.friends' wife
3.knowing the gal is having normal problems with their bf
This is the untold code of the gentleman.
In chinese we always say ... quan(4) hao bu quan(4) li
always try to help the couple get together and not ask them to separate.
In our yrs of being together i have always been honest, faithful and true to u regardless of what wrong u did, i have always forgive and forget.
I accepted who u are and love u but u didnt do the same. U were always looking higher, aiming for better. U are never satify with what u have obtain.
U know what i say is always honest and true, that's why u know i am right.
Reality is cruel i learnt that from u. If he really is a good person i wouldnt bother stopping u.
Dear u really need to grow in the proper direction.
After getting hurt in terms of emotion,money or physical so many times, u are still going in the same direction, shouldnt u change it.
U have hurt me emotionally so many times and in the end i still remain true and by ur side, sheltering u from anything. I guess i was the one who spoiled u, always letting u have ur way, giving in to u and doing what u want me to do.
I have said too much again.... i am too emotional again. I am still hurting..........I am just human
128th Post 21 Feb 12
had a talk with Z today.... it was pain but honest and enlightening
He said if u deeply love her just let her leave and wish her happiness swallowing all the pain and suffering alone.
I was childish......i agree
This has always been a bad point of me.
He says and i also allow that i am struck in the old days, days that i was proud to be a sniper and a guardman and happy days when i first met Crystal.
I havent stepped in the future yet, always talking abt the past.
I should use now as a referrence instead of the past....
So i started to move again..... taking this as a chance to value add myself and to better myself. I need growth in thinking and behaviour.
Thinking before talking, caring for how others feel when i talk. In short shut up and listen than think and talk.
Painful and brutal comments but true and helpful.
I am glad i have this 2 bro in laws who enlighten me in diff ways.
Although it is a bit sad for me now to see that they are happily married but i just lost my wife.
I know blaming myself is not the way nor is blaming others. it takes 2 hands to clap so i know, i did something wrong and so did she.
I will take a bow and step back, allowing her the space she wants to roam the greener pastures.
At first when i wanted to join SQ, the first tot was that i could see crystal, at least knowing if she is happy or sick or well. I know it is childish.
They ask me why SQ, i didnt answer them.
I know more of SQ people than other airlines, so if i need help or advices i can seek their help.
Why cabin crew..... cos in my current age which other job can allow me to earn that much and fill up my CPF within the shortest time......
Doing business can make it, yes i know but i am tired of it. A wild horse once tame becomes domestic....... i dont have the strength or moral support anymore to do it. She took it away with her.
All i want now is a regular paying stable job now so that i can have some savings to buy a home or take care of my parents
I thank them for letting their son do what he wants and trying to shelter him from pain.
I am sorry i let u down with my marriage and thank you for letting me attempt SQ interview coming soon.
My only worry was no one will be around with them to look over them if i successed in joining,
They just say "dont worry boy, do what u need to do".
I was almost touched to tears. I know they worry abt me a lot, from small coughs to sleeping late to even having meals. The worst was that they are afraid i might commit suicide.....
I am sad that at age 30 i have nothing and even lost my wife causing them to worry again for their age.
What a unfilial boy for causing them to worry. i promise u 2 that i will improve and i will try never to let u 2 worry me this way again as i have given up on marriage for now. All i want is to earn more money and let my heart recover for the next few yrs.
He said if u deeply love her just let her leave and wish her happiness swallowing all the pain and suffering alone.
I was childish......i agree
This has always been a bad point of me.
He says and i also allow that i am struck in the old days, days that i was proud to be a sniper and a guardman and happy days when i first met Crystal.
I havent stepped in the future yet, always talking abt the past.
I should use now as a referrence instead of the past....
So i started to move again..... taking this as a chance to value add myself and to better myself. I need growth in thinking and behaviour.
Thinking before talking, caring for how others feel when i talk. In short shut up and listen than think and talk.
Painful and brutal comments but true and helpful.
I am glad i have this 2 bro in laws who enlighten me in diff ways.
Although it is a bit sad for me now to see that they are happily married but i just lost my wife.
I know blaming myself is not the way nor is blaming others. it takes 2 hands to clap so i know, i did something wrong and so did she.
I will take a bow and step back, allowing her the space she wants to roam the greener pastures.
At first when i wanted to join SQ, the first tot was that i could see crystal, at least knowing if she is happy or sick or well. I know it is childish.
They ask me why SQ, i didnt answer them.
I know more of SQ people than other airlines, so if i need help or advices i can seek their help.
Why cabin crew..... cos in my current age which other job can allow me to earn that much and fill up my CPF within the shortest time......
Doing business can make it, yes i know but i am tired of it. A wild horse once tame becomes domestic....... i dont have the strength or moral support anymore to do it. She took it away with her.
All i want now is a regular paying stable job now so that i can have some savings to buy a home or take care of my parents
I thank them for letting their son do what he wants and trying to shelter him from pain.
I am sorry i let u down with my marriage and thank you for letting me attempt SQ interview coming soon.
My only worry was no one will be around with them to look over them if i successed in joining,
They just say "dont worry boy, do what u need to do".
I was almost touched to tears. I know they worry abt me a lot, from small coughs to sleeping late to even having meals. The worst was that they are afraid i might commit suicide.....
I am sad that at age 30 i have nothing and even lost my wife causing them to worry again for their age.
What a unfilial boy for causing them to worry. i promise u 2 that i will improve and i will try never to let u 2 worry me this way again as i have given up on marriage for now. All i want is to earn more money and let my heart recover for the next few yrs.
Monday, February 20, 2012
127th Post 21 Feb 12
After these few days, i have started to calm down.
There is only 1 question i have, what is the true reason u left me??
when we hugged and u told me u had slept with 6 other guys, i felt a partial lie....
She disappear for a few days and told me she wanted a divorce..... pain
2 days later she told me she really has a bf
i wont say i should have or regret etc etc etc......
I am disappointed that we cant talk abt the divorce first.
The bf thing was an added blow.
Dear if u were in my shoes how would u feel?? Would u be able to let go if i told u that i want to divorce u and have a gf the next day??
In ur blog u didnt commented on we will getting divorce..... why is that?? to act innocent and pure or to hide the truth or cos u dont want to let me know the true reason u are leaving me?
I still dont really understand why u want to leave me stating it was for my good. Was it cos u had contracted something or was it cos u had a one night stand and felt quilty that u cant face me anymore or what ???
I know i neglected u during dec to jan due to work and that was the period u had changed.
When the first time u hurted me back than, the same thing happened. I freaked out.
This time is the same but after calming down i will still say the same thing
I love u more than i love myself and i will always love u and be here for u.
I will still stand by the wedding vows i took.
U know me enough to know that no matter what u do nothing will change that.
I also believe u accepted Romain after u reach abu dabui.
This is the u who never change. Thinking but not talking abt problems we face. How can any relation improve if no one makes a point to speak up.
After reading ur blog my heart hurts more. I havent read ur blog for a really long time thinking u will talk to me abt anything and any problems so that our relationship can grow further.
This i regret..... hai, when u posted a french guy wanted to date u on Christmas should have been the key point, but i was too busy and tired to read ur FB to see that. I only saw some but not all of ur posts.
Dont worry i wont ask u to return to me anymore, that is pointless as u will not do it.
I will move on and improve so that if fate allows, we can hopefully date and get marry again, this is i can give u security and true happiness but if fate and destiny prove otherwise so be it as long as u can get the happiness that i cant give u.
I want to thank u for letting me love u and u for loving me, for teaching me so many things and for ur gifts, i am also glad that i was able to give u some good memories.
If u forgot how difficult it was for us to be together than u should read ur blog. Starting from our first meeting and the date i declared my love for u on KOGS 24th may 06.
i guess heaven is toying with the 2 of us. Both still not mature enough and building their careers leading to the many problems. It feels now like we have become people of different classes, upper (U) and lower (me). All i will do now is to let u go to search for greener pastures, hoping u are forever happy and never getting hurt.
I dont know if i can fall in love again with others or if i can totally forget u but i know this now
I still love u
There is only 1 question i have, what is the true reason u left me??
when we hugged and u told me u had slept with 6 other guys, i felt a partial lie....
She disappear for a few days and told me she wanted a divorce..... pain
2 days later she told me she really has a bf
i wont say i should have or regret etc etc etc......
I am disappointed that we cant talk abt the divorce first.
The bf thing was an added blow.
Dear if u were in my shoes how would u feel?? Would u be able to let go if i told u that i want to divorce u and have a gf the next day??
In ur blog u didnt commented on we will getting divorce..... why is that?? to act innocent and pure or to hide the truth or cos u dont want to let me know the true reason u are leaving me?
I still dont really understand why u want to leave me stating it was for my good. Was it cos u had contracted something or was it cos u had a one night stand and felt quilty that u cant face me anymore or what ???
I know i neglected u during dec to jan due to work and that was the period u had changed.
When the first time u hurted me back than, the same thing happened. I freaked out.
This time is the same but after calming down i will still say the same thing
I love u more than i love myself and i will always love u and be here for u.
I will still stand by the wedding vows i took.
U know me enough to know that no matter what u do nothing will change that.
I also believe u accepted Romain after u reach abu dabui.
This is the u who never change. Thinking but not talking abt problems we face. How can any relation improve if no one makes a point to speak up.
After reading ur blog my heart hurts more. I havent read ur blog for a really long time thinking u will talk to me abt anything and any problems so that our relationship can grow further.
This i regret..... hai, when u posted a french guy wanted to date u on Christmas should have been the key point, but i was too busy and tired to read ur FB to see that. I only saw some but not all of ur posts.
Dont worry i wont ask u to return to me anymore, that is pointless as u will not do it.
I will move on and improve so that if fate allows, we can hopefully date and get marry again, this is i can give u security and true happiness but if fate and destiny prove otherwise so be it as long as u can get the happiness that i cant give u.
I want to thank u for letting me love u and u for loving me, for teaching me so many things and for ur gifts, i am also glad that i was able to give u some good memories.
If u forgot how difficult it was for us to be together than u should read ur blog. Starting from our first meeting and the date i declared my love for u on KOGS 24th may 06.
i guess heaven is toying with the 2 of us. Both still not mature enough and building their careers leading to the many problems. It feels now like we have become people of different classes, upper (U) and lower (me). All i will do now is to let u go to search for greener pastures, hoping u are forever happy and never getting hurt.
I dont know if i can fall in love again with others or if i can totally forget u but i know this now
I still love u
Sunday, February 19, 2012
126th Post 19 Feb 12
This is hopefully my last post to u.
I gracefully accept ur decision to leave me for him.
I only hope he is the last one.
I will always be here loving u as deeply as before and standing by ur side.
Praying u are safe and happy.
I will always love you
I gracefully accept ur decision to leave me for him.
I only hope he is the last one.
I will always be here loving u as deeply as before and standing by ur side.
Praying u are safe and happy.
I will always love you
Saturday, February 18, 2012
125th Post 18 Feb 12
Once more i am wide awake. i have learnt a lot of things, things that hurts me a lot.
How do u make a person cherish love and relationships
When people learnt that the person is married or unavailable they should normally leave the person along but not in SG.... There are a lot of players around.
Knowing she is married still flirt with her, what type of a character does that person have...... probably also a problematic person.
Between settling down and playing around is the decision to make gal.
U know what i say is correct that's why it affects u that much.
U say u are stress and wants to work to stop thinking abt it...... rubbish
U are just trying to avoid the situation/problem.
U already know what is the choice to make but u are avoiding it cos u are afraid to settle down and commit.
Ur body is taking it's toll cos of ur lifestyle. Slowly but surely if u dont change, ur body will goes go down the drain. Physically and mentally u are losing it too. Choosing to avoid decisions will only make them snowball and slam u in the end gal.
Just think abt what u want for ur future, to settle down or u just want to carry on ur current lifestyle. This is the decision u have to make. It's that clear cut.
Just remember what i told u, it can happen now and it can still happen again unless u change.
The main difference between making the decision now is that i might not be around for u anymore and u will lose the only one who truely loves u.
My heart hurts but i could guess what u will decide to do. What i told u last night are all truth and facts. But if u still think he is the correct one than go ahead. Just hope that u will not get hurt in the near future which i dont think that it wont happen.
Hai....... loving someone is hard........
How do u make a person cherish love and relationships
When people learnt that the person is married or unavailable they should normally leave the person along but not in SG.... There are a lot of players around.
Knowing she is married still flirt with her, what type of a character does that person have...... probably also a problematic person.
Between settling down and playing around is the decision to make gal.
U know what i say is correct that's why it affects u that much.
U say u are stress and wants to work to stop thinking abt it...... rubbish
U are just trying to avoid the situation/problem.
U already know what is the choice to make but u are avoiding it cos u are afraid to settle down and commit.
Ur body is taking it's toll cos of ur lifestyle. Slowly but surely if u dont change, ur body will goes go down the drain. Physically and mentally u are losing it too. Choosing to avoid decisions will only make them snowball and slam u in the end gal.
Just think abt what u want for ur future, to settle down or u just want to carry on ur current lifestyle. This is the decision u have to make. It's that clear cut.
Just remember what i told u, it can happen now and it can still happen again unless u change.
The main difference between making the decision now is that i might not be around for u anymore and u will lose the only one who truely loves u.
My heart hurts but i could guess what u will decide to do. What i told u last night are all truth and facts. But if u still think he is the correct one than go ahead. Just hope that u will not get hurt in the near future which i dont think that it wont happen.
Hai....... loving someone is hard........
Friday, February 17, 2012
124th Post 17 Feb 12
Once again i'm shocked awake by the pain and shock cuased by her.
Didnt tell her that everytime when i hear on news that A380 got problems i will worry abt her.
I will be going against wise advice later in the day, Please forgive me, it's just me.
Letting go is always hard, after all the things we have been through. Loving her blindly till i have lost myself in the process.
I changed my life to suit her and now i have to change it back.
She has had a very troubled life going through divorce, molested, cheated, broken family.
After all this shit one would have through that she would wise up and settle down but it didnt.
From what i know
1 failed marriage before me. kenna molested nude pics.
then into a relationship with me, slept with 3 person behind me.
broke up with me and got injured by AC and MK.
Patched back and got married with me.
After married slept with 2 more
After flying she slept with 4 more behind me.
But i am still silly to still be able to forgive and forget and love u as deeply.
Am i that king of fools???
She really hurts me time and time again deeper and deeper.
If i count back any other guy would have just ask her to go and die....
She actually changed from jan to 13 feb......less than 6 weeks...... it's really scary.
The most scary is from 26 jan to 2 feb when she was overseas.
I have no idea what she told her colleages abt me or even did she tell them she was married?
i'm really lost but i know i have to move on.
I'm disappointed abt relationships now, choosing to just shut down my heart.
Can u imagine she got roses from other people delivered to her house on V day.
A married woman........ she still can do all this.
I dont know whether the other guys know if she is married or not and i'm pretty sure she never wears our wedding ring.
Had a small chat with her friends just now, even they were shocked abt what had happened and didnt expect her to be like that.
They could even tell and know how deeply i love her and how shocking for the turns in events.
Dear even through u dont want me anymore i will still by here loving u and worrying abt u.
I hope that u wont cant hurt and will finally find true happiness to settle ur injured heart.
All i can do now is just hide in a corner and weep.
I am pathetic......I know i will move on but how long do i need is the problem.
I'm letting her clear her stuffs slowly trying to still save our marriage but knowing her it's impossible now.
Even if it was a lie last time to test me saying she has a bf, now it will become true cos she just wants to get rid of me.
I really dont know what i did wrong to cause this, but everyone says i didnt do anything wrong at all.
Than why did this happened? Why can i have a normal marriage like everyone else. Why do i have to suffer so much more for her.
It's time i move on even if i have to drag myself.The world still rotates.
Thanks for letting me love u so blindly and deeply. U are the who changed me and thought me how to truely love. But u are also the one who destroyed me totally.
I will still be here giving u moral strength like always if u need it.
In our relationship i have NEVER NEVER lied to you that is the truth but u did.
For better or for worst till death do us part......... i believe in it but seems like u dont.
Goodbye and take care and try to settle down ur true heart if not u will be hurting urself again
Sorry for not being able to save u from that.
At least i really did my part as a husband loving u truely and deeply.
Now just please let me just ur good friend that way it will be easier for me to leave. I will it is a selfish wish but please let me have it
Didnt tell her that everytime when i hear on news that A380 got problems i will worry abt her.
I will be going against wise advice later in the day, Please forgive me, it's just me.
Letting go is always hard, after all the things we have been through. Loving her blindly till i have lost myself in the process.
I changed my life to suit her and now i have to change it back.
She has had a very troubled life going through divorce, molested, cheated, broken family.
After all this shit one would have through that she would wise up and settle down but it didnt.
From what i know
1 failed marriage before me. kenna molested nude pics.
then into a relationship with me, slept with 3 person behind me.
broke up with me and got injured by AC and MK.
Patched back and got married with me.
After married slept with 2 more
After flying she slept with 4 more behind me.
But i am still silly to still be able to forgive and forget and love u as deeply.
Am i that king of fools???
She really hurts me time and time again deeper and deeper.
If i count back any other guy would have just ask her to go and die....
She actually changed from jan to 13 feb......less than 6 weeks...... it's really scary.
The most scary is from 26 jan to 2 feb when she was overseas.
I have no idea what she told her colleages abt me or even did she tell them she was married?
i'm really lost but i know i have to move on.
I'm disappointed abt relationships now, choosing to just shut down my heart.
Can u imagine she got roses from other people delivered to her house on V day.
A married woman........ she still can do all this.
I dont know whether the other guys know if she is married or not and i'm pretty sure she never wears our wedding ring.
Had a small chat with her friends just now, even they were shocked abt what had happened and didnt expect her to be like that.
They could even tell and know how deeply i love her and how shocking for the turns in events.
Dear even through u dont want me anymore i will still by here loving u and worrying abt u.
I hope that u wont cant hurt and will finally find true happiness to settle ur injured heart.
All i can do now is just hide in a corner and weep.
I am pathetic......I know i will move on but how long do i need is the problem.
I'm letting her clear her stuffs slowly trying to still save our marriage but knowing her it's impossible now.
Even if it was a lie last time to test me saying she has a bf, now it will become true cos she just wants to get rid of me.
I really dont know what i did wrong to cause this, but everyone says i didnt do anything wrong at all.
Than why did this happened? Why can i have a normal marriage like everyone else. Why do i have to suffer so much more for her.
It's time i move on even if i have to drag myself.The world still rotates.
Thanks for letting me love u so blindly and deeply. U are the who changed me and thought me how to truely love. But u are also the one who destroyed me totally.
I will still be here giving u moral strength like always if u need it.
In our relationship i have NEVER NEVER lied to you that is the truth but u did.
For better or for worst till death do us part......... i believe in it but seems like u dont.
Goodbye and take care and try to settle down ur true heart if not u will be hurting urself again
Sorry for not being able to save u from that.
At least i really did my part as a husband loving u truely and deeply.
Now just please let me just ur good friend that way it will be easier for me to leave. I will it is a selfish wish but please let me have it
Thursday, February 16, 2012
123th Post 16 Feb 12
hehe just had a very very very bad thought...... i found that if i wanted to destroy ur career i just need to send a few emails to some famous sites.......
But lucky u i'm not that bad yet.
I will just ki siao for a while.
Love is all a lie.
I dont trust it anymore for now.
U know how to save me but i dont think u will do it.
Too bad for me.
But lucky u i'm not that bad yet.
I will just ki siao for a while.
Love is all a lie.
I dont trust it anymore for now.
U know how to save me but i dont think u will do it.
Too bad for me.
122th Post 16 Feb 12
Good le havent get divorced got bf liao..... that will made a big splash.....lol
Still say left me cos i deserved better..... how to believe.
Then now u are with another so he dont deserve better huh?
A bit nonsense liao.
What if another A.K or M.C ......hai dont know what to say to u. Happened before remembered.
Sometimes i also dont know to believe u or not.
I have made up my mind to revert back and that is the fact.
U are the CAUSE. No more nice Charles, marriage cant forget it also.
I only know there are only a few females i can trust, the rest can forget it.
It's super hard to win it after what u did.
The pain and suffering is something u will never understand.
I think i should also blog abt how many u had behind me etc etc all the juicy details.
U are the one who made me change and this is what i didnt want u to see from me......
Still say left me cos i deserved better..... how to believe.
Then now u are with another so he dont deserve better huh?
A bit nonsense liao.
What if another A.K or M.C ......hai dont know what to say to u. Happened before remembered.
Sometimes i also dont know to believe u or not.
I have made up my mind to revert back and that is the fact.
U are the CAUSE. No more nice Charles, marriage cant forget it also.
I only know there are only a few females i can trust, the rest can forget it.
It's super hard to win it after what u did.
The pain and suffering is something u will never understand.
I think i should also blog abt how many u had behind me etc etc all the juicy details.
U are the one who made me change and this is what i didnt want u to see from me......
121th Post 16 Feb 12
Thanks Bros and no i wont delete it bro paiseh. Emailed u something.
Nothing has changed bro it's the same.
I will be turing back to my secondary school character the one i never wanted to let my wife to see.
Too bad now it's been released from within.
I have something planned for april will update if it's successfully.
Quite happy that she caused me to turn back....... It's going to be fun. lol
But hope i'm successful first.
The last time i started blogging she asked me to delete it this time she can forget it.
I'm still thinking should i release more of her info here.....lol...... fun fun hehe
Nothing has changed bro it's the same.
I will be turing back to my secondary school character the one i never wanted to let my wife to see.
Too bad now it's been released from within.
I have something planned for april will update if it's successfully.
Quite happy that she caused me to turn back....... It's going to be fun. lol
But hope i'm successful first.
The last time i started blogging she asked me to delete it this time she can forget it.
I'm still thinking should i release more of her info here.....lol...... fun fun hehe
120th Post 16 Feb 12
I'm sorry for going crazy on monday and tuesday, i shouldnt have doubt u at all. That is how much u know u affect me. i know i have hurt u deeply
sorry dear please forgive me
sorry dear please forgive me
119th Post 16 Feb 12
It's not that i dont love u anymore or u are not attractive that's why i dont hug u.
I'm stressout and tired and my back is giving me problems. U should know i'm the quiet type who keeps to himself.
I am a man i have my needs. When i need relieve i always DIY and when u are around when i wanted it, u will be sleeping.
I didnt want to disturb u just to satify my needs ,i know u are working hard for our future.
I am also worried, it has always been u that have been able to satify me but i have fail to do it to u.
I always hug u and make love to u when i drink cos of 2 reasons.
1. i last longer and have a higher chance of satifing u
2. my back is more numb and i dont feel too much pain
Who wouldnt like to make love to their beautiful wife.
Didnt know that all these made u sad. my bad.
When u say u needed more space i started to plan and pack the room again to give u more space so that u feel that this is ur room not only mine.
I wanted to buy u a new iphone when u said ur phone is siao but my cash is tied down.
Do u know how sad it is when a person cant buy a gift for their love ones. I could only do the simple things to make u happy like sending u to work and picking u up.
Making sure u are asleep and sleeping well even when i cant sleep.
We love each other so much that we can sacified our own comfort.
I know that last month u were not sleeping well cos u keep kicking me in the mid of the night.
I wished i had more money or that i earn fucking a lot so that i can buy u lot of gifts and flowers.
Was planning to buy u flowers and cake for ur birthday, ur favourite chocolate ice cream cake even through i find it disgusting.
I dont enjoy going overseas only because of 1 reason, i dont have much to spare.
u think i dont like to fly overseas with u....... i hope for it.i wish i could fly with u everytime u fly, even just standing by ur side makes me happy.
Seeing u working urself so hard and getting so tired breaks my heart, I wish i could help ease at least some of the burden. Seeing u work hard makes me push myself to work harder too.
I always like u to hug me from my back cos i can feel the warmth and ur breast better.....haha
I didnt tell u that before.
I have and will carry on loving u regardless of what people say.
I have proofed my love for u is stronger than anything else when u first betrayed me.
I will keep proofing it to you every sec every hour anytime.
i dont know if u will read what i type but at least i have type it out.
I am a man of few words, many times i have just swallowed everything in cos i dont want u to carry more of my burden.
I'm sorry if i have hurt u unknowning, i have never mean it.
Dear wo si ai ni de.
riko and bibi also misses u.
Even if u kick me everynight till i die, i will still let u kick because it's u.
I dont know what i say or do or type will change ur mind but i will still try.
U are my world and i am the moon that rotates around u.
I cant survive without u.
Hope u will read all these and understand that i love u and will keep loving u till we die old.
I'm stressout and tired and my back is giving me problems. U should know i'm the quiet type who keeps to himself.
I am a man i have my needs. When i need relieve i always DIY and when u are around when i wanted it, u will be sleeping.
I didnt want to disturb u just to satify my needs ,i know u are working hard for our future.
I am also worried, it has always been u that have been able to satify me but i have fail to do it to u.
I always hug u and make love to u when i drink cos of 2 reasons.
1. i last longer and have a higher chance of satifing u
2. my back is more numb and i dont feel too much pain
Who wouldnt like to make love to their beautiful wife.
Didnt know that all these made u sad. my bad.
When u say u needed more space i started to plan and pack the room again to give u more space so that u feel that this is ur room not only mine.
I wanted to buy u a new iphone when u said ur phone is siao but my cash is tied down.
Do u know how sad it is when a person cant buy a gift for their love ones. I could only do the simple things to make u happy like sending u to work and picking u up.
Making sure u are asleep and sleeping well even when i cant sleep.
We love each other so much that we can sacified our own comfort.
I know that last month u were not sleeping well cos u keep kicking me in the mid of the night.
I wished i had more money or that i earn fucking a lot so that i can buy u lot of gifts and flowers.
Was planning to buy u flowers and cake for ur birthday, ur favourite chocolate ice cream cake even through i find it disgusting.
I dont enjoy going overseas only because of 1 reason, i dont have much to spare.
u think i dont like to fly overseas with u....... i hope for it.i wish i could fly with u everytime u fly, even just standing by ur side makes me happy.
Seeing u working urself so hard and getting so tired breaks my heart, I wish i could help ease at least some of the burden. Seeing u work hard makes me push myself to work harder too.
I always like u to hug me from my back cos i can feel the warmth and ur breast better.....haha
I didnt tell u that before.
I have and will carry on loving u regardless of what people say.
I have proofed my love for u is stronger than anything else when u first betrayed me.
I will keep proofing it to you every sec every hour anytime.
i dont know if u will read what i type but at least i have type it out.
I am a man of few words, many times i have just swallowed everything in cos i dont want u to carry more of my burden.
I'm sorry if i have hurt u unknowning, i have never mean it.
Dear wo si ai ni de.
riko and bibi also misses u.
Even if u kick me everynight till i die, i will still let u kick because it's u.
I dont know what i say or do or type will change ur mind but i will still try.
U are my world and i am the moon that rotates around u.
I cant survive without u.
Hope u will read all these and understand that i love u and will keep loving u till we die old.
118th Post 16 Feb 12
It's been a long time since i read her blog....her thoughts her feelings........
Didnt know that certain acts of mine hurted her so much and how a simple morning kiss can cheer her up.....
Just didnt like it when she doesnt have confidence in me and our relationship.
If u think i have another gal outside this time too u are wrong. i bring the hp outside when i smoke cos i am doing spider solitite dear and not to secretly msg other gals.
I could have locked my hp but i didnt, cos i know u got check and that i have nothing to hide from u.
I have been planning for our future and discovered that we could buy a flat in 2 yrs time wanted to tell u on feb 14 but was shattered by what u told me when i hugged u on the bed......
I was shocked...... how should i react to it.... angry shock stress lost......as i showered i as thinking. when i came out i found u were gone..... was so worried that i went downstair to search for u.....
U thinking leaving me is for my own good but have u even ask me what i think.
NO I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER GAL OUTSIDE.
I LOVE MY WIFE CRYSTAL TAN XUE NI WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL
Didnt know that certain acts of mine hurted her so much and how a simple morning kiss can cheer her up.....
Just didnt like it when she doesnt have confidence in me and our relationship.
If u think i have another gal outside this time too u are wrong. i bring the hp outside when i smoke cos i am doing spider solitite dear and not to secretly msg other gals.
I could have locked my hp but i didnt, cos i know u got check and that i have nothing to hide from u.
I have been planning for our future and discovered that we could buy a flat in 2 yrs time wanted to tell u on feb 14 but was shattered by what u told me when i hugged u on the bed......
I was shocked...... how should i react to it.... angry shock stress lost......as i showered i as thinking. when i came out i found u were gone..... was so worried that i went downstair to search for u.....
U thinking leaving me is for my own good but have u even ask me what i think.
NO I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER GAL OUTSIDE.
I LOVE MY WIFE CRYSTAL TAN XUE NI WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL
117th Post 16 Feb 12
After such a long time finally starting blogging.
I know u hate me to blog.
I really dont know what i did o make u so sad this last 2 mths till all this happened.
My world rotates around u now and i am lost without u.
A man without a purpose
My joy was to always see u sleeping soundly by my side, picking u up from work.
I tried so hard not to make u sad but in the end i still failed. Was it because i didnt spend a lot of time with u last 2 mths due to work again.
I;m really lost... havent sleep much in the last 3 days and couldnt eat too..... only had 2 slices of honey dew today...why why why.....i really want to know how i disappointed u and how to work out our problems.
Dear i'm lost without u. Our room feels so cold and sad without u in it.
No matter what u did wrong i will always forgive u so please come back
Come back and give me another chance to hug and kiss and love u till we grow old and die together
Discovered that no cuts can overtake the pain in my heart........
I know u hate me to blog.
I really dont know what i did o make u so sad this last 2 mths till all this happened.
My world rotates around u now and i am lost without u.
A man without a purpose
My joy was to always see u sleeping soundly by my side, picking u up from work.
I tried so hard not to make u sad but in the end i still failed. Was it because i didnt spend a lot of time with u last 2 mths due to work again.
I;m really lost... havent sleep much in the last 3 days and couldnt eat too..... only had 2 slices of honey dew today...why why why.....i really want to know how i disappointed u and how to work out our problems.
Dear i'm lost without u. Our room feels so cold and sad without u in it.
No matter what u did wrong i will always forgive u so please come back
Come back and give me another chance to hug and kiss and love u till we grow old and die together
Discovered that no cuts can overtake the pain in my heart........
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