Just tell me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4JIHvGEJNU&feature=related

feeling depressed again........how long will i be in this state.
havent i suffered enough......

what is the person up there thinking. when will i be able to find someone who treasures me.
I have learnt to use my life to love someone what more do i need to learn.

The hate, the pain, the suffering....... i have endured it myself and blame myself for everything what more do u want me to learn and endure.

i am really trying to understand. why are all the good people getting hurt and the bad enjoying.

i can understand if  i suffer alone but why are my friends suffering too. They are nice people who dont deserve to go through those pain and suffering.

i deserved the suffering and pain when i didnt heed everyone's advices i know, but where is the limit and when can it stop.

I am breaking down slowly, losing myself and my character.

She has been the only one who can make me break my own word and promises and whatever i say i will never do, not even my family can do that.

Will u enlighten me and let me know when is enough or what i need to learn from these.

My love for her has overcome so many things and more. swallowing my own pride, respect, my character, my word and my life. What more do i need to lose before it can stop.

Do u really want me to become cold and heartless?

Please answer me the person up there...... I have never asked anything for myself all these years, i havent been selfish, i have always place others before myself, helping others whenever i can, what more do u ask?

I am really shattered and torn and badly wounded..... i have lost almost everything in what defines my character what more u want me to lose.

I am no more the charles from secondary school, nor the charles from poly ,nor the charles from army, i really dont know what more i need to lose.

Do i really need to lose my mind.............. I was already that close to losing it.........

Please give me at least a hint...... Is really what i think wrong?

Is loving her really the biggest mistake in my life?
Why do i need to be hurt so deeply and badly till i lose myself?

I struggle daily to keep my sanity and try to help others....... what more u want from me.

How much more suffering and pain u want me to go through.

If these pains and suffering is what i need to go through so that she will be forever happy, tell me and i will gladly go through it.

JUST TELL ME