Finally the air con is repaired..... 2 weeks of sleepless nights due to heat...... bye bye......

dont understand why but i have been dreaming of her for the past 2 nights...... please stop........

Was driving and thinking today...... why am  i afraid of meeting her outside..... maybe i am afraid my heart will hurt more and i will breakdown and cry again?? or should she be hiding from me.......

Army is going crazy..... first they inform me that i have high key ICT during sept..... 1 week later they inform me that i have low key ict in August..... luckily it is only 1 day but unluckily it should be the new AED procedure and IV again........ sian i dont want to let my platoon mates "poke".....

Kelvin dont sabo me hor wait i kenna PS course during NS men years..... let me remain OS.

Glad to know Ms E is attached again.... nice people like her shouldnt be hurt and alone.... aiyo gal

What do i want in life currently or in the future??? have been asking myself this question for 1 month now.......

I still cant answer myself, feeling lost, aimless, demoralized daily...... living and dragging myself through everyday.....

Mother i love you, thanks for pampering me...... u give me heartache by treating me and taking care of me so well even till today.

Do i want to get a car? do i really need it that badly?
Do i want to change my lifestyle? is it that bad?
Do i want to change my room? it's getting more and more empty........
Do i want to spend on comfort items? i also dont really need it......

So what do i really want ???

Somehow i feel i am getting more cold...... i dont even bother to reject whatever jobs that come in.

I asked my boss a question recently and got him dumbfounded....... i asked him what does he suggest me to do if i want to get a pay increment..... instead simply how can i get a pay raise

Actually i already know how to do it but they are not seeing the obvious results..... handing over on time and with near to zero defects in the timing they wanted....... ha ha ha..........when u do things too smoothly and calmly without informing others, no one will see how much effort u put in. The same goes with love, the sacrifices u made quietly will be unnoticed...... how many people can really work and run around and pick her up whenever and whatever timing she arrives back in SG........ but hey that is my love for her not hers for me........

i know her birthday is nearing..... the best present i can give her is to pray for her and hope she finally finds the happiness she wanted.

Actually i think i wont be going into another relationship, be it for fear of females or dont believe in love anymore or just dont want to get hurt anymore. Sure i will still be depress when i see couples etc etc, but that is the path i am walking.

Looks like this birthday will be another repeat of my saddest birthday...... raining, cold and alone at home feeling sad and depress.

Come to think of it when she was with me it wasnt much better. We both put in effort but she just didnt see the effort i put in and took me for granted.... well she will learn in future that i am sure. She will finally understand that she was really pampered badly but took it for granted. But then how long it will take will be up to her..... this is the point where i know her too well that i can estimate the timing accurately..... HA

Another day passed......another few hundreds of days to drag through......