http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=O1-4u9W-bns

Glad to say i can do almost all of the above

A lot of people cant do this. They can never accept someone for who they are. That's why there are a lot of divorcees and unhappy marriages

Think i can say i have the above features in me

From my cousin......  how very true

Dreamt of her last night......... in the dream we chat, i told her i was bored or something like that and she told me she is quite free due to an eye infection that stops her from flying for a short period..... instantly wake up ......... scary.... was shocked awake before dawn.......

Had a bad day and it got worse near the end, i almost started screwing everyone up for their laziness and bo chap work....... And now i am feeling flu-ish...... shit...... Tmr will be a even longer and more tiring day......hope i can hang on..... Need to run around.....

Morning talk abt details of carpentry.....than P & L for my side......ordering materials.....instructing my guys,,,,,,,site measurement at Katong.......site measurement at Dont know which Country Club........ Back to main office to pick up pay cheque........ sure shag out....... Looks like tmr night is a good time to go drinking again......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUiTQvT0W_0&feature=related

classic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG07WSu7Q9w&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYE-a0gGCnM&feature=related

Hope i do learn from my mistakes......

Long day of running around...... the weather is a killer..... Nissan Presage is not nice to drive..... feels like a van just like estima.......

Let's hope it will get better as it gets to the weekend and pay day.....lol.......
COE slowly drop..... i still need a bit more time......lol.......

Actually i'm thinking whether i really want a car now. Driving to work only.... seems like it is not necessary for now.

My fav activity is no more. My life has changed. What do i need the car for? Self comfort, to show i can afford one, to enjoy the fruits of my labour???

What is it to me now.........

What is happiness to me now? I cant even answer these simple questions anymore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTcu7MCtuTs&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc&feature=relmfu

nice song

Thoughts

No one can degrade a person, only they can degrade themselves

super bad monday....started bad and got worse as it went along.... ended in me bleeding slightly......

Well it cant be that bad since i enjoyed a super nice home cook meal, followed by super nice music, then a shiok bath and a super chill beer...... Life is unfair to me but i will survive.

Dont know what i look forward to daily, just living it day by day trying to find my motivation in life.

I dont know which one yet 

How true....... people who have had broken hearts really are the only ones who appreciate the small things


Been drinking too much and too often lately, time to cut down....
Managed to clear a stressful period.... the next few weeks will be more relax. At least till end of June.

I wonder how my birthday will be this year..... although i got a feeling it is something like what i will be expecting.

I think i am still really scare of females. I declined a outing with one....... and the feeling deep down was fear.
Seems so weird that i will be scare, even through i have known her for a very very long time.

Fear or scare........ i think both. Had been too badly hurt and am still trying hard to recover......

Quote

Nice quote from the internet

A man truly loves you when missing you is his hobby, caring for you is his job and loving you 


is his life. #TLS -- The Love Stories

Happy Birthday Gal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra-Om7UMSJc&ob=av2n

nice songs on 95.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQBt9s7Tfsc

nice song

Story

I just thought of a question
How do u define maturity??
Before anyone answer me please know that I will understand how mature u are when u reply.

It's a double edge sword question...........

This is something i will also remember.... firstly i got scolded badly cos of this.secondly it happened to me.
Was told to stop trying to find excuses for her when the real reason is so obvious. ai mu xiu rong........

I didnt know it consciencely but i thought it over and know he was correct.

There used to be a boy who couldnt accept a gal for who she is. He started to accept the gal for who she is, plump, clumsy, careless, holland queen, rough etc. He made himself love the gal for who she is, changing his way of life for her,choosing a job that will accommodate her timing so that he could just be there for her anytime she needed. Sad to say he was betrayed over and over again, even after forgiving her for all the worst mistakes she could have in life..... She chose to follow in her dad's footsteps.

Life is harsh and tough.... we just have to follow through whether we like it or not.

I think the loneliness is still getting to me. Where has the Charles everyone knew gone too..... The proud and confidence Charles who can always find a gf anytime he needs??

Loving my short hair...... suits the weather.....hot......

i can just wake up and go out......and it will look like i had styled my hair.... free and easy.

But a few commented that i dont suit the hair style.

Someone pointed out that i was drinking almost everyday, come to think of it i was drinking almost everyday....lol

From 1 bottle to 4 to drinking sessions...... guess it's time to cut down..... if not my alcohol tolerate will be going up again.....

Someone pointed out that why do most people she meet only care abt outlooks instead of looking at inner beauty. Well gal, u just havent met the correct one yet. trust me i know best.

A person can be very beautiful but her core is rotten. And if u think that person will be happy u are totally wrong.... we should pity them cos they will never understand what true love is.

It's going to be another long week, work stress is under control now, or maybe it's me getting used to it.
A few more days to her birthday. My gift to u is to give u my blessings.

Looking forward to my ict..... my mates will not give me a chance to think much. They will pester me.......lol
I got a feeling that they will scold me too. Sad but true.....

When is coe coming down...... so high now how to buy car.....
But come to think of it, i'm enjoying my life more now........

Taxi everywhere and dont need to drive....really just enjoying the ride and scenery.
Can go out and drink anytime
Can flirt all i want
Can stop worrying all the time
Can be as free and relaxed all the time
I would say that i am free and easy now.

There are a lot of times when pain and heartaches comes but i am starting to come to terms with it. Thanks everyone for helping me out. I will try to move on faster and try to recover.

Told a lot of people that i am no more the Charles that knew but no one believed me. I dont hang my feelings on my face, they are deep down hidden from view. But now they are locked up and the keys have been destroyed.

Finally someone aks me why i wasnt the same Charles, this was my answer....... I had been hurt too badly and deeply after every relationship. Seems that this time is really the worst hit, I wonder how long more do i need to come out of this trance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSqqSs95JqQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtBgkT2Sjzc&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG0-sRblQ-4&feature=g-logo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk&ob=av2e

I am really stubborn? No matter what others say I still keep thinking of you. Thank I know u are right. I have been a reserved all this time. Ur mum still haven't face facts just like u. All the best. Time for me to move on. Wish u happiness. Sad but the facts is cruel. Ur sadness and happiness is none of my business anymore. I miss bibi I have to move on. Ur thinking is different, hope it works out. Goodbye gal, I am moving on I used to sacrifice myself for u and love u more than myself

Time for a totally new beginning.

U are right i have been trying hard to cover for her. Silly and stupid me. She has always been looking down on me and can't let other recognize me. Too bad bye

3 rd party is always the most direct and painful. Thanks I understand a lot better now. Good bye dear. It hurts a lot.

But I have learnt. Face and pride is something u and I can't take care of. Take care gal.

Hope ur family finally can mature so that u can move on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA1Ng4VbgSU&feature=related

1 channel u mother's day advantisement made me cry. Too touchy tonight

I think I have given up on relations.

Not because I don't believe in love but because I feel it is something I don't deserve.

Thanks jean for trying to cheer and movtitive me, although I don't know what to movtitive for.

Confidence and pride is totally gone, self belief and trust in people...... Below Negative

I don't know how to look forward for now. All I know is trying to make it pass each day.

Wish u the happiness u are looking for. Hope I am wrong totally and u can truly settle ur heart.

Gal understand urself can, I hope u won't toy with another and get hurt again. One Alex and mark and Alan is already the limit. So far I'm the only one who isn't giving u that type of problems.

If I don't understand urself how can u find true happiness. How long do u want to get hurt. I can't protect u anymore or shelter u from harm and hurt. U are on ur own already. I can only lend u my ear and shoulder if u want.

If u really come back I also don't know what to do. Beg everyone for forgiveness and pray it won't happen again or tell u it's too late.

So the obvious answer is hope he is the final one and I am incorrect.

U are the first, who I gave everything, who could make me change for u, who could push me beyond my limits that is how much I love u.

U will never understand it cos u have never love anyone that deeply and thoroughly before.

What u are looking for is not love or to settle down gal.u still want to play around

I miss u like before.

I love u as deep.

I hate myself like always

Finally the air con is repaired..... 2 weeks of sleepless nights due to heat...... bye bye......

dont understand why but i have been dreaming of her for the past 2 nights...... please stop........

Was driving and thinking today...... why am  i afraid of meeting her outside..... maybe i am afraid my heart will hurt more and i will breakdown and cry again?? or should she be hiding from me.......

Army is going crazy..... first they inform me that i have high key ICT during sept..... 1 week later they inform me that i have low key ict in August..... luckily it is only 1 day but unluckily it should be the new AED procedure and IV again........ sian i dont want to let my platoon mates "poke".....

Kelvin dont sabo me hor wait i kenna PS course during NS men years..... let me remain OS.

Glad to know Ms E is attached again.... nice people like her shouldnt be hurt and alone.... aiyo gal

What do i want in life currently or in the future??? have been asking myself this question for 1 month now.......

I still cant answer myself, feeling lost, aimless, demoralized daily...... living and dragging myself through everyday.....

Mother i love you, thanks for pampering me...... u give me heartache by treating me and taking care of me so well even till today.

Do i want to get a car? do i really need it that badly?
Do i want to change my lifestyle? is it that bad?
Do i want to change my room? it's getting more and more empty........
Do i want to spend on comfort items? i also dont really need it......

So what do i really want ???

Somehow i feel i am getting more cold...... i dont even bother to reject whatever jobs that come in.

I asked my boss a question recently and got him dumbfounded....... i asked him what does he suggest me to do if i want to get a pay increment..... instead simply how can i get a pay raise

Actually i already know how to do it but they are not seeing the obvious results..... handing over on time and with near to zero defects in the timing they wanted....... ha ha ha..........when u do things too smoothly and calmly without informing others, no one will see how much effort u put in. The same goes with love, the sacrifices u made quietly will be unnoticed...... how many people can really work and run around and pick her up whenever and whatever timing she arrives back in SG........ but hey that is my love for her not hers for me........

i know her birthday is nearing..... the best present i can give her is to pray for her and hope she finally finds the happiness she wanted.

Actually i think i wont be going into another relationship, be it for fear of females or dont believe in love anymore or just dont want to get hurt anymore. Sure i will still be depress when i see couples etc etc, but that is the path i am walking.

Looks like this birthday will be another repeat of my saddest birthday...... raining, cold and alone at home feeling sad and depress.

Come to think of it when she was with me it wasnt much better. We both put in effort but she just didnt see the effort i put in and took me for granted.... well she will learn in future that i am sure. She will finally understand that she was really pampered badly but took it for granted. But then how long it will take will be up to her..... this is the point where i know her too well that i can estimate the timing accurately..... HA

Another day passed......another few hundreds of days to drag through......

Too much pain and suffering and disappointment really can drive a person mad

Crazy talk

In life the hardest things to handle are always people.
Managing and leading is tough.....

A small problem can become big
a big problem can become small as long as u have good PR skills.

I think i have made up my decision, time to have a chat. Have been delaying it for 2 months cos i was badly affect emotional.

I wouldn't say i have recovered nor am i regressing. Currently i am still lost.

Thanks Eliza for checking up on me, i know u are right about what i need right now..... care, attention and love. You diagnosing abt my behaviour is spot on, abt how my emotions and reactions reflect what i actually needed.

Although i dont want to admit it, i know u are spot on.

I really need to stop my habit of saying out what i hold deep in when i get depress or high.

Heard she is doing the same thing as last time again..... let's hope she is not digging her own grave again.

But then old habit die hard..... ke lian.....

Work load has exploded again but surprising i was calm abt it instead of exploding with it..... numb maybe or i did expect this type of things to happen.

Calming accepting it and verifying it with the uppers...... then announcing that due that this i have to stop all work for at least 2 days....... See u give me last min info, i step in to cure it immediately but the side effects are what u have to bear.......

Starting to feel that maybe i am not meant to be loved by others except my family.
Love is a dream told by disney...... there are no happily ever after. Only sadness and heart break.

The only constant in life is time.

I might be doing some crazy decisions abt my life in the months to come, that is something i can foresee coming. Choosing comfort items over future plannings.

I dont foresee falling in love again..... that is but a fairy tail. I dont believe in love, honesty, faithfulness, the marriage vow and anything that has got to do with LOVE.

Dont worry William, i will not use the 7.62 to shoot myself or anyone else during ICT. I am still that sane, but if u really feel that i am behaving weirdly than stop me please. Tell me NO FIRING ...... that phrase should be able to make me stop.

For ippt i dont think anyone can stop me from pushing myself over my body's limit..... just standby the medic just in case. AED plus ice pack should save me...... if all else fails, tell my family i love them, and her too.....lol

Crazy talk...........

Finally finished watching the shrewd wife..... touching and sad..... it didnt end the way i expected...... but the ending reflected how love can hurt someone so badly that no one can cure it.

Sometimes i wonder when is it ever enough. Have been seeing some nice pics with words of wisdoms on them.... maybe next few post i will just upload them.

Sorry Ms E for disturbing u...... I know i shouldnt have done that.

Still considering to delete some contacts in my hp...... people i know i might disturb, people who i have not contacted in ages, people who disappoint me, people who are considered non existence or maybe i should just change my hp no..... been more than 10yrs with this number.......

Life is disappointing..... the best thing is that it is disappointing me more everyday......

I have really lost all my pride and confidence after this incident........ The smallest hint of any gal trying to get friendly with me can send shivers down my spine and send me running........ truly, badly, deeply shattered

No i still dont blame her, or hate her or am angry at her bro..... all the 3 are me..... i blame myself, hate myself and am angry at myself....... sorry.......

Just tell me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4JIHvGEJNU&feature=related

feeling depressed again........how long will i be in this state.
havent i suffered enough......

what is the person up there thinking. when will i be able to find someone who treasures me.
I have learnt to use my life to love someone what more do i need to learn.

The hate, the pain, the suffering....... i have endured it myself and blame myself for everything what more do u want me to learn and endure.

i am really trying to understand. why are all the good people getting hurt and the bad enjoying.

i can understand if  i suffer alone but why are my friends suffering too. They are nice people who dont deserve to go through those pain and suffering.

i deserved the suffering and pain when i didnt heed everyone's advices i know, but where is the limit and when can it stop.

I am breaking down slowly, losing myself and my character.

She has been the only one who can make me break my own word and promises and whatever i say i will never do, not even my family can do that.

Will u enlighten me and let me know when is enough or what i need to learn from these.

My love for her has overcome so many things and more. swallowing my own pride, respect, my character, my word and my life. What more do i need to lose before it can stop.

Do u really want me to become cold and heartless?

Please answer me the person up there...... I have never asked anything for myself all these years, i havent been selfish, i have always place others before myself, helping others whenever i can, what more do u ask?

I am really shattered and torn and badly wounded..... i have lost almost everything in what defines my character what more u want me to lose.

I am no more the charles from secondary school, nor the charles from poly ,nor the charles from army, i really dont know what more i need to lose.

Do i really need to lose my mind.............. I was already that close to losing it.........

Please give me at least a hint...... Is really what i think wrong?

Is loving her really the biggest mistake in my life?
Why do i need to be hurt so deeply and badly till i lose myself?

I struggle daily to keep my sanity and try to help others....... what more u want from me.

How much more suffering and pain u want me to go through.

If these pains and suffering is what i need to go through so that she will be forever happy, tell me and i will gladly go through it.

JUST TELL ME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPkTGm4RtVM&feature=related

I finally gave up on IE.... hello chrome..... faster and sharp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQhi6ycqncw&feature=relmfu

Sometimes the emptiness gets to me and breaks me down.

I know it is killing me slowly and steadily.

I guess u are right ms j, I am really not ready for anything yet.

I'm still to weak. A wrong song can push me over the limit.

Thanks Eric u have been the only one who can rub salt in my wounds just to make sure I heal faster. That is her favorite food. It hurts me to know but it is worth it if she can truly find true happiness.

I willing to bear all her pain and suffering as long as she can be happy

No one ever say life would be easy but no one also say that it would hurt like no tomorrow.

Stay strong everyone. Just be true to yourself and your conscience and you will survive