Feeling

After such a long time I still can't change my habits.

Still worrying about her, thinking of her, wanting to message her, wanting to know how she is, hoping she is not sick, wondering if she slept well

I am weak...... Some things are really hard to change. Regardless of what I want to remain I am still forced to change.

Be it better or worse I am forced to change. This blog is the only place where I can say what I want. There are too many family members on fb.

People told me I deserved better but the current me tells me I deserve none.

I still haven't been able to forgive myself. I still blame myself even through I know I am not to blame.

Haven't found a way to forget anything. Is turning cold hearted the only way to go.

I really don't want to turn that way.