92th Post 28 Sept 09

Thinking back.........
I should be the one to blame for this. I was to easy going, allowing her to do whatever she wants. Maybe i should have be the controlling type and treat her like a puppet.

I guess she is actually very selfish and always thinking about herself and listening to the wrong group of people.

Even when she read the topics on the forum she still hasnt learnt anything. Stupid.... wake up

Sending me those sms....... what the XXXX are you thinking. You think fun is it, so selfish and immature. 27 already still cant behave like one.

I'm pissed off.

I will post the sms later when i'm feeling calmer.

91th Post 28 Sept 09

Long time never go hougang point for food.... finally KFC service has improved,even their food is starting to taste better but the pearl milk tea standard is getting worse. The 2 aunties are not having very good team work.

For ten years i never got scolded by my dad, just got scolded cos of someone. Isn't that irritating, somemore i hate to be blame for things i never do. Sian..........

I have been watching korean dramas this few days and am sad to say.... quite fairytale like le. Is it really reflecting on social life or trying to lure more people to watching it.

The shows reflect things that are super unlikely to happen in real life and to normal people.
Now i can understand why some korean stars have oba-sans for fans. The shows portray them as a childhood like fantasy setting, awaking the child in them.

I heard a very good topic recently abt an auntie complaining to her niece about her husband.

Auntie: Your uncle only knows how to work and never spend much time with me.
Niece: Why are you complaining?
Auntie: Cos i am thinking abt divorcing him?
Niece: What !!! Are you crazy, you want to divorce him cos of that.........
Auntie: Yap.
Niece: You must be stupid and foolish. Would you want a husband who works hard and lets you spend money anything you want? Or would you like a husband who spends money and time on you but you will never know where he is.
Auntie: Of course i will choose choice no.1
Niece: than you have answered your own question on whether to divorce him....

A wisdom person although she is not very old yet, 30 + only la. Luckily she doesnt read this. hehe

Thinking back I actually have quite a few good female friends that i can depend on. I'm amazed what did i do to get these few friends?? Hmm..... 1 from pri sch, 3 from sec sch and 3 from poly....... interesting. The best is their advices are normally right. Maybe this is what they call woman's sixth sense. They can feel it. But it does not apply to other things lor. Only certain topics they are dead accurate.

Long time never meet people for coffee...coffee later. I wonder how is his relationship going on....later must quiz him. Cannot say who wait got people will pester me for answers.

William jia you, i tot you told me that even people studying for BARS must chill on weekends.

90th Post 28 Sept 09

Thanks for the advice angel. But whether i will follow it is another matter.
I have to agree on some of the points you pointed out, though i may not want to admit but it is true.

I think my limit is nearing, tears are not coming out like they are supposed to. Guess my heart is giving up the fight too.

Most likely i will give up and move on but how long and when will be the questions.

She may not know it but her immaturity is causing her more trouble and hurt.
She always likes to listen to the wrong group of people, it had happened before and it is still going on.

Word of advice... dont do things that you will regret, think properly first.

But time will wait for no one, there is always a limit.

89th Post 27 Sept 09

Thanks peishan for helping stablize my emotions

Some random thoughts.....

I find that the more i want to hate her, the more i cant do it.
Therefore i hate myself.......

Treating marriage like a child's play is seriously wrong, coming and going as you like doesnt hurt you the most but it hurts the one who loves you the most.

Now i fully understand the phrase... it is better to be loved than to love.

Haha deep but meaning full....
If you really want to end it so be it, please collect your stuff from my home when i am not around. i dont want to end up in tears....... i have been holding it in and i dont know how much more i can take.

If it happens I have to say sorry to the people who gave me advices before. I regreted not heeding all your advices.

I thought she has understood what is love but guess I'm dead wrong about it.

She is still in the fairytale thinking.

The more i understand her the more i feel that she is running away from serious relationship.
Somehow i think i should give up totally, very dishearted by her behavior.

Marriage is not a toy, tired then throw away.

If i receive any letter i will sign it cos it seems my feelings and love are just toys for playing.

Even if it does not happen, i also have no idea how i should react.
I cant pretend that it did not happen nor can i over see it.

I can only confirm one thing now and that is I'm tired of this bullshit.

88th Post 25 Sept 09

Thank william for the interesting article.

Really getting bored of the cbox.Nothing interesting to read at all.

You need to get more fresh ideas to comment.

Cold war has happened.
I still cant figure out why but i can only think of 2 things.
1. Super bad...dont want to think of that
2. She feels like i never keep her company enough

Let's hope it's the latter...... Sad

She broke her promise again, she promised me that we will always talk abt things.....
Blog also locked, seems like it's going to be over.

What am i to think?

I was angry with her the first few days cos she broke her promise. Till now i have no idea what is going on.

I know she is still ok cos i saw her posting on other forums. Well at least she is ok and that is one thing off my mind.
Should i be disappointed?? Angry?? Sad?? Depress?? I really dont know anymore.
Somehow i feel tired and exhausted.

Guess i should have known when she started to spend money on certain things.

I sure am a good liar, I can tell myself it's just me thinking too much. What a fool.

Had been planning to bring her to orchard road to shop but she was walking. In the end i had nothing to do so i went to work.

Really getting tired..... spasm and back pain for the past month, really think my body is starting to shut down. Who knows I may wake up the next day and be unable to feel my down limps. haha.........
She should be home by now, tired from work. Luckily she can rest tomorrow.

I wonder if it happens again how should i react or think?
Will i be able to do what i had said last time and just let do?
I wonder how long will i take to recover?
How long will it take to fall for another or even will i dare?
Really really tired...........I dont dare to think too much for fear that i might go crazy again.

Where has my confidence gone too? More than 10yrs still dont want to come back to me.......
Sian..............

87th Post 8 Sept 09

Due to William's comment i decided to post a short one.....

Cbox getting very boring.... jia you keep posting le...... 7 days never post liao.....

Range coming soon ... 27 of Oct who else same day?? want to go together??

Brother in law getting hitched soon too......

CS jio wednesday at clarke quay but dont know i will be free....hmm....6.30pm

Most likely shawn, william will not be going...

Jia you to william and hongjun for their studies.....Endure~~!!!!!