61th Post 14 April 08

Spent the weekend with Crystal......actually 2/3 of it to be accurate...why 2/3....haha.....cos i was doing delivery on sat from morning till 7.........what to do....doing delivery for big company ma......spent the rest of sat slack at home.....actually dear let me slack...i know.....she knew i was tiring so she mention to watch movie at home after that then we went to eat cos i know she was hungry.....i was watching her when she was eat her mee.....it was sweet.....even now when i think of her eating, i will smile.
Sunday was spent sleeping till 11 plus then we went for DIY session at AMK. I promised her a long time ago to install E68 into her car and i also add in a bonus.....2 pairs of magnet to help in power and FC....that session end around 3...then as a reward she treated me to a meal at thomson near sin ming road......tim sum.....not bad but still lose to the one at upper thomson.....following that we went to her place for her to do some laundry till around 5.30pm.....had to rush home after that cos my family were going out for dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday.But upon reaching home they were not ready yet so i went for a nap....really KO.....dead tired and dear played her game. Nap for 30 mins...power nap sia.....blur blur follow them out and keep asking them go where to eat.....after 10 mins in the car then they decided to go to SK for crabs....the place is called master crab i think.....but too pack so change to another place seletar camp.........but the place was gone so tried seletar country club but it was the same.....so in the end went to OCC......lucky there wasnt so pack but we still had to wait quite a while for food......nice food but not for people who dont like spicy food......really happy that dear enjoyed the food.....especially the chilli crab...hehe....spicy and hot.....after that headed home to rest.......for no reason i started to have brain cramps.....headaches la......but still managed to accompany Crystal as she played her game and till she went to bed.....hehe....
We cuddled for a while in bed and she told me something that i have been wanting to hear.She told me not to worry as she wanted to spend mon to wed at home.The reason she gave was to wash laundry and save money and sleep more.The few reasons i could think of are these she scare her mama miss her company, she needs more time to sleep cos i always sleep later and disturbed her sleep, she needs more time to do her programming and dont want to be interupted.I was worried at first abt this but later on I feel that it is a correct thing to do.Both she and me need our own space and time sometimes be it to sort out our thoughts or do our own things.If really something happens again then this is fate liao......She did it before i can only hope she doesnt do it again.......This is something i will not hide as they say once bitten twice shy ma......But i still feel it is the right thing to do.It will also be a test for me to see how much confidence i have in her and myself.....I can never be by her side 24/7 so if i really need to worry and think abt her all the time it will only make me more tired and emotionally unstable.

Especially for you to read dear........Now i'm alone in my room thinking of her and missing her.....my room feels empty without her in it and by my side.Keep looking at BiBi and getting a sad feeling and a kelian look from Bibi.Guess bibi misses crystal also or it should be just me......That is how much impact she has on me.Looking at this queen size bed only makes me feel how much more empty it is.......Dont know if she will slept well......her things are still here, scare she needs to use them but dont have them with her.See i think too much that it makes me tired at times.......her brush, her charger, her toner etc.........the worst is her lappy charger is in my room....haha.......and her mei mei brought the pc to her new home.Well it also means that if the lappy runs out of batt she cannot do work and must sleep early....hehe......2 more days till thursday....sian thursday still have to go taka after 10 for delivery......think by the time i'm back she should be asleep liao......dont know is it me thinking too much but i feel that there is sometime she is not telling me abt why she wants to spent mon to wed at home......Guess i really need to rebuild confidence in myself so that i can regain more confidence in others......I have been through quite a lot these 20 over yrs......somehow i have always been blaming myself for all that has happened.....from my grandmother's death to me getting ditched........I have never blamed anyone but myself.......I also question myself more than others........no wonder my hairline is going higher.......guess the high forehead thing is correct......thinking too much caused it........I asked abt the HDB only cos of one thing....I wanted to settle down......getting a home shows more that i want to settle down with crystal I didnt think abt getting a home until crystal called abt wanting one cos i know that it is quite hard due to my family commitments......that is where fillal and love collides in me......really have a lot of thoughts flying in my mind but i cant seem to settle them smoothly even taking them one step at a time seems hard.....life isnt that smooth to me......ups and downs and toughness.......maybe it's all a challenge to turn me into a better man........why do some people have it smooth in life where others suffer through life??Karma ??????? Then i must had been a bad person last time cos no matter how many good deeds i have done till now in this life it is not enough to cover.........April will be coming to an end soon that only means a few things......crystal's birthday is coming wanted to get her a surprise present but seems like not going to happen liao.......IPPT is ending soon.....headache headache and more headaches.........sian..........did i really take a every wrong step in life....but if i didnt take that step then maybe i wouldnt have met crystal and fallen for her head over heals......
There are too many questions in life that anyone can solve......we can only try to seek out the answers one at a time....2am ..........been typing for the last 45mins....guess it's time to sleep.......Fan........